Back Again

ok so mostly i am just back because i said i would be....just for all u die hard blogger fans out there. haha. so not too much new in what, 4 hours or something? walgreens is soo incredibly boring. i didnt think i was gonna actually work, so i wore this cute little mini skirt and flip flops. well apparently they dont let u work in that (even tho i didnt know i was supposed to be trained tonight) so my mom had to bring me up pants and real shoes. oh and i got an adorable little blue smock/vest thing that i have to wear, with my WALGREENS nametag on it. woo hoo i am such a sexy son of a bitch, let me tell you. =) all the stuff i wrote earlier is still there, and i still love mrs. potthast's analogy. as weird as it is to put it with everything i wrote, i think it works, and i like it alot. so moving on. the following is dedicated to Ms. Kristin Wilmes. Krissy, i dont know what i would do without you. you are always there for me, whether it be to listen (or most likely read) to me bitch and moan and complain and pity myself, or to hear (again, usually read, but whatever) my wannabe poetry crap. and you always do it like you want to, not because you feel like you have to or have nothing better to do. and i appreciate it so much. you have no idea how good it is just to have someone listen/read/understand whatever and be able to give u feedback on it. so many ppl just hear it and are like, yea that sucks whatever. or yea thats good i like it. and dont really take it to heart. but u do, and u understand. so i just wanted to let you know that krissy. and i am always here for you, if you ever need anything- dont ever even hesitate! i heart u!!! ok sorry if that seems weird, its kinda hard to understand. ok im done. untill tomorrows rant... toodles. *~SaraH~*

Over It

I am in a ditch, and i cant get out. most of the people who are reading this are probably sick of me writing about this, but i cant help it, its a big part of my life. i just cant stop thinking about the whole jake thing. i have no idea why. i should be over it by now, right? i mean its been almost two months. i dont do this; i dont get hung up on things for long periods of time. the only time thats happened before was with the whole josh thing from 7th till end of 9th grade. and dont even get me started on (those that know me know what im talking about) and that was just because i was nieve and seeing things that werent there. but this WAS here. it was right in front of my face, right in my own hands. and i cant forget it. i just find myself thinking everyday about him, and everything that happened throughout may, june, and the very beginning of july. maybe its because i havent gotten a letter, and im just searching for a sense of closure? something that will tell me that it really truly is gone(or maybe give me hope for a future?)? or maybe its because ive never had anything like that before and i cant let it go, for fear that it will never happen again? and i know thats stupid, but i cant help it. im just so lost all the time. i feel like im living in limbo. its a feeling quite common in my life, and i dont like it. one would think id be used to it by now, but you never get used to it. you're always searching for more, for one more answer, for something solid to rest your feet on. mrs potthast used a good analogy today in lit. she said that earthquakes are so unsettling because its the actualy ground beneath our feet, the foundation for everything, and its wavering and behaving in unusual, dangerous ways. (and ok, so she was talking about native american literature, but it works here) i need something solid, something to stand up on and just be ok, and i cant find it. i feel like theres so much more i need to say, but i have to go now cuz i have training at walgreens at 5:00, and i gotta get ready. blah. ill most likely be back later. quote... this is from krissy to me. she wrote it for me. and im sorry krissy, i didnt make the post dedicated to u like i said i would, but i just needed to get this off my chest. i will do it, i promise. thank you for always being there for me. you are something steady in my life. ok so neway heres the quote: its the tough heart, that, when upon the rare decision to unharden itself, becomes the most fragile and beautiful of all. you are beautiful. i heart krissy wilmes!!!! -sarah ps, natalie, i just realized the title of my post is that song by that redhead from disney channel...wow thats weird...

Mankind and Co.

Yes, so, I've been reading Mankind and Co., this year's fall play. It is very cool, a collection of all of these Greek myths. There are some fun stories in there, too...Pandora, a favorite of Eleanor and myself....and the coolest story of all, about Atalanta. I can't wait to really get started on the play, I'm so excited. It's definitely going to be a fun time.

In other news...death of cheerleading tomorrow morning at 6:30. Meh, I usually wake up around then. I have directions to pick up Sarah beforehand too, so I am hoping that I won't get lost. Yeah, lol.

I actually don't have much else to report except for the fact that I've had a pretty relaxing evening...I didn't really do anything, to tell the truth. Not much homework, though I should definitely do the stuff due on Wednesday. That essay for lit, and studying for my precal quiz. And a French handout, I forgot about that. What other class do I even have that day....oh history, well, that was dumb, I don't think we have any homework in there, but then again, I wouldn't know. Yes, so, off to enjoy the rest of the evening. Bye Bye!!

I Agree.

I can relate completely, natalie. everything has been super emotional for me for the last 2 months. it seems like the littlest things trigger something deeper inside of me, and suddenly i just want to break down. i dont know why, but it is weird. and i hate crying too. it makes me feel so uncontrolled and vulnerable, and i hate that. i like knowing that i am in check and in control of myself, especially my emotions. and prior to the last 2 months, i could have sworn i was in control. but things have changed so drastically since then, and i fear i have lost the control...wow could i say control a few more times? so on a slightly less serious note, i found out that i dont have free mobile to mobile on my cell fone plan, and ive definately used like 500 minutes or something in the last week talking to her...so thats gonna go over real well wiht my parents. plus the text message bill, which i know ive done a lot of. oh great. well im going now, ive to do homework, call walgreens about my job that i think im starting this week, and work on the design for the pep infusion shirts. quote...just a generic one today, but it works for my mood... never frown, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile... doesnt that just make u smile? toodles. *~SaraH~*

So Emotional

Before I begin, I'd like to say that Lindsay's last entry was probably the first time she hasn't used a million !!!!!! in her title...she substituted some ???s. But it was true what she said, and I can definitely relate. Sadly, that's not what my entry is about today. Here I go...

I have been really upset lately, and it is not entirely clear to me why. Small, seemingly insignificant things upset me deeply, even when they shouldn't. I feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world, to tell the truth. I hate crying and not knowing why, I hate making other people upset and confused without a clear reason. And I feel hurt all the time for no reason, which is the worst thing of all. I'm afraid of so many things that are coming later on that I take my anxiety out in the here and now. I shouldn't, but I do. Fear can make you do that.

Well, this was just supposed to be a bit of a breather before I start on my lit homework. Goodnight.

YNatalieY

bose einstein

so im only updating this so i can sleep peacefully tonight. and i have to go fast because im supposed to be in bed. mike came over today. he couldnt figure out how to work google images, so i printed out some pictures for his american history class and he came over and got them. we ended up just talking for like an hour and a half or something. it was good. we get along realy well. oh and my mom is a nazi. i love her to death, but she is psycho. this is what i learned today: 1. i am not allowed to say suck, because i am only 16 and i do not need to have those kinds of words come out of my mouth 2. if i ever have a boy in the house without my mom or dad home, i will lose all priveleges, including the car, and i will be grounded for a month. 3. if i ever have a boy in my room, the above consequences will be enforced. how gay is that? its retarded. well i better go, im supposed to be looking up something for chem...bose-einstein or something...yea whatever. no quote today, i still havent found my binder... toodles. *~SaraH~*

The Past, Present, and Future....???

What scariness are those words??? Seriously, I am frightened. But I suppose there is nothing you can do about the past. But to think about what happened in the past is scary. And the present, is school. Which is omy god scary. And the future?? Who knows whats going to happen there. That has to be the scariest of them all. I know everyone worries about the future. But seriously, I usually give the future little thought. Besides what college I will go to, happens to be the only thing that I ever even gave any thought to at all. But last night, I had the weirdest dream ever, and that made me start thinking about the future today. Which scared me, but it was also exciting to think about what you could do with your life. And I suppose that is what drives everyone to do their very best everyday, for the future. For something they know very little about. The unknown is a scary thing, but yet its extremely exciting and thrilling. To maybe one day make a difference in someones life, to one day be the most important person in someones life, to one day be a role model for someone who looks up to you and counts on you. How exciting and nervracking can that be??? EXTREMELY!!! Thats what I suppose makes life exciting. The unknown. Whatever your dream is, whether you want to be an actress or an astronaut or a doctor or a great parent, someone will say you can't do it--and you have to know that you can. ~!~Lindsay~!~

Jeff Sapienza and the 7 A's

this kid is the coolest kid ever. lol. our conversation for the last 2 hours has been freaking amazing. UMCanesJS: athlethic, attractive, academic, artiticulate, awesome, amzing, and ABBA lol thats me ppl, according to jeff. the 7 A's. lol eat ur hearts out. hahahaha. *~SaraH~* ps maybe i am bipolar...lol.

Realization

so i realize i was on here about 4 hours, but oh well. i dont think i realized until now how much i actually miss dana. i talked to her for about an hour today, and its just so different. i dont like to think how at her house its almost 9, and how she's 600 miles away, and how she cant just come over for a lil bit. before i would get upset when she was with mike, and i was all by myself. but now i wouldnt care, i just want her to be here. so its saturday night and im sitting at home. 2 weeks ago i could just call dana and convince my mom to let me go pick her up and she could come over and spend the night. that's kinda hard to do when she's 600 miles away. this just isnt fair. i just feel so lost in everything. everything is moving on around me, and im just stuck in one place, living in the past without focusing on the future. i just keep dreaming about what my life was like 2 1/2 months ago. it wasnt that long ago, but it feels like a different life. i was so happy-go-lucky. everything is so drastically different now. its almost like an alternate universe. theres times i have so much fun, and then theres others when i just feel like crying. i think maybe im bipolar. or just a hormonal teenager. hmm the second one sounds like a better option. god who knows. ok im done. -sarah

Complete Randomness

i am completely 100% in my new house. everything is out of storage and the apartnment and in this beautiful, huge structure. lol. there is so much space. i love it. i slept so good last night, in my own room and bed, without the noise coming through the wall of the obnoxiosly loud ppl in the apartment next to us. oh man its amazing. you have no idea. its just a sense of security that ive been lacking since mid-april. sorry, natalie, that this wasnt updated earlier. my computer wasnt set up last night so i didnt get to update. last night i went to james's house. it was fun, his mommy made yummy food for us. lindsay, joe s, joero, and goldfarb were there too. we watched the sandlot. it was good, that was the first time i actually saw all of it. (well all but the very end, cuz we turned it off, but james filled me in) im not sure what im doing tonight, i want to do something, but i have no idea what. i have to work tomorrow from 12-6. hopefully its not too busy, so i can get some homework done. i wrote jake another letter today. and we had stamps, so i could mail it today also. last time i wrote him, it got mailed almost a week later cuz we didnt have any stamps. oops. i think he is going to florida on friday, but im not sure. i didnt really understand what his mom said in the letter she sent me. for some reason i am becoming quite obsessed with my staind cd. nikki burned the old one for me, and i love it. im not sure why, but it just works. does that even make sense? oh and lindsay, the ashlee simpson cd is quite addicting too =) ok well i suppose i will go now...this update was completely random. nothing really important to discuss. quote... i sit here locked inside my head. remembering everything you said. the silence gets us no where, gets us no where way too fast. -staind (my dad deleted my document will all my quotes in it. thats why most of the quotes have been from songs lately. i think i printed them out, i just have to find where the papers went...) toodles. *~SaraH~*

The Finding of an Old Diary

Yes, so, here I am at work. I've been here since 9 am, and it is currently only a little past four, which means I have about one hour left before I can leave. And once I leave, I'm almost guaranteed to get stuck in rush hour traffic, because who doesn't get stuck in rush hour traffic when they leave at 5? I'm not actually in a bad mood, I'm just completely and utterly bored. I would've brought excessive amounts of homework to do, but as I don't know what homework I have, having gone to the doctor on Thursday, I couldn't do that. All I brought was my French, which doesn't interest me in the least bit. Nevertheless, I've been going over it. And looking for prom dresses. And answering phones. And playing internet hearts, heh I rule at that. And reviewing and correcting the menu of this evening's specials. And trying not to fall asleep. Yes, that is what I have been doing today. I'd hoped that someone would have updated last night so that I'd have something interesting to read, but sadly I have to settle for updating. Know what else I did today? I looked up one of my online journals that I used to have, in the early part of last school year. For the most part, its kind of sad. If anyone wants to look at it, it can be found at www.mydeardiary.com and you search for the diary of XOX Pandora XOX. I don't recommend it, but it may prove interesting. The real things that interest me are the comments left by people I don't even know, and one random one by Drew Canning when I wrote that Elly and I had developed "special" cookies that make boys talk all squeaky, like Haley Joel Osment. We said we would put one in his lunch and he left a comment, a LONG time after I wrote it, too, because I hadn't read his comment before today. he said he didn't care because he likes cookies, or something. There are also many references to death of chemistry in that journal, so for those of you who are taking it this year, heh, you can see the wonderfulness of what you are getting into. Well, I have more to do before I leave, so I'll catch everyone later. Au revoir! Ehh...too much French. YNatalieY

Two Real Life Good Samaritans

Today was interesting. I had to leave school early to go get a physical (meh) so I left in the middle of Lit class and drove home -- or almost. I didn't quite reach it...instead, as I approached Whitmoor, the gas gauge made a noise and slid from 1/2 a tank to empty, and my car sputtered to a stop. Heh so, yes, I ran out of gas. But it was my car's fault, honestly! It told me I had half a tank when I checked before school this morning. Well, at least I was able to coast down the first hill in Whitmoor and pull over to the side of the road. I called my mom because she was supposed to take me to the doctor's office, and we would obviously be late, and she said she would come right away to pick me up. Between the time that I called here and the time she came to get me, exactly sixteen cars passed by me. I stood with my purse and schoolbag, leaning against my car which had its emergency blinkers on. Every person that passed me turned to look at me as they passed...some even slowed down, then sped up after they saw that I was having trouble. Only two people even stopped to ask if I was allright or if I needed any help. They were both guys around 20 I guess, and I was nervous when they stopped, but they were both the nicest people that passed me -- they actually stopped and asked if I was allright and if I needed help with my car or to use a phone or get a ride. I thanked them and said "no thank you," but honestly...they were the only people to even offer their help. It's not like I expect everyone to put themselves entirely at my disposal, but is courtesy, helping another person, too hard? Why is helping someone else so rare an occurrence? Two cars out of sixteen...not too excellent a record. And it's not as if I was on a busy road...I was in Whitmoor, for crying out loud....meh. Everyone who reads this...help others, ok?

So, in other news...I've been listening to Jessica Simpson lately...and honestly, it's not as pathetic as who Lindsay's been listening to ;-) But anyway, yeah, Jessica Simpson music is really soothing and calming. The hurricane-worthy rain has finally let up here -- dangit -- so I guess I'm done.

YNatalieY

Death to the Computer...!!!

I'm back, my computer officially died for forever. But my daddy fixed it so I'm excited yay!! Well its storming out really bad right now, I'm frightened. eeks..!! Um... the first week of official school is almost over, and going into our second week I'm not so thrilled. However it is nice, that today and tomorrow we get out at noonish because of the heat! So that makes it a little less unbearable. Woo hoo!! Um... today, natalie picked me up for school and when we were walking in we learned that we get out today at noonish! So that right there made my day!! So go to all the regular classes, lit-good, french-funny, faith-retarded, and chemistry-wow. I sat right in the middle of the two people who I thought could barley stand to look at me. shall I dare say there names, Leslie and Elly. Well I did, and it turned out to be not so much a bad thing. Leslie and I are once again learning how to talk to one another, which to me is an awesome miracle thing that has occured. I'm truly amazed. However, it might not be the most in depth conversation that I've ever had with the girl, its a conversation, which is more than I could have ever asked for. Now I know, I don't want to be the best of friends with her(neither do I expect to ever become), and its not because of what has happened or how hurt I have felt. It is simply because of the fact that I have grown apart from her, there is no longer that special bond that we had anitially had with eachother. That has been far gone. No one had understood our friendship, and I beleive neither of us did too. I beleive that when we were friends. These last couple years. We both needed eachother, someone to talk to about what was going on in our lives, someone who we could cry to, and someone who we could, more along the lines share our lives with. And that was amazing. We both learned from eachother, how each of us could do whatever we wanted to do with our lives. We found ourselves through eachother. I realized what my full potential as a person was, and I truly beleive that that is true also for her. We both knew and understood how different we became to be from one another. But our friendship started, before we knew that, we were both in gradeschool and extremely shy. Now that that is not so much true for either of us. We found friends that could truly understand us as individuals, and have therefore grown apart from eachother. I dont want to say, that I don't need her anymore. Cause I think it sounds mean. But truly, I don't. I have foundmyself, my own personality and beleifs. And I have amazing people to share that with. And so does she. People that can relate to her more than I ever could. And I hope she is happy. Because I have found people that accept me for who I am. And unlike in gradeschool, I have found that one of the easiest and most best things that you can do for yourself is to just be yourself, accept yourself. And now that I have done that, I have to say that I am the happiest that I have been for a long time. Thank you Leslie, for helping me discover that. Wow, um.. and Sarah your new house is amazing!! Thank you for letting us comeover!!! And Joe the Anatomy book, EEKS!!! Natalie, heh! Tim, your phones broken!! Love you guys!! And um...yes patheticness of my music... Ashlee Simpson... Oh well...heres a part of her song... "Everythings cool now, Oh my life is good, I got more than anyone should, Oh my life is good, and the past is in the past..." ~!~Lindsay~!~

New House! Yay!

so im supposed to be doing my homework, but i find that procrastination is just a wonderful thing, and this blog helps me to do it. lindsay, james, and joe just left. we got out at 12:05 today for heat schedule, thanks to the fact that dominic is poor and half our school doesnt have air conditioning. oh well, im not complaining. i say hand me the half days and screw the air conditioning. anyway, we went to arby's for lunch and then back to my shack of an apartment. i packed up my dresser and we went over to my new house *grins widely* it was fun. and apparently the tacky plastic stuff u put over new carpet makes farting noises when u rub ur bare feet on it. its funny. or maybe we're just easily amused. who knows. oh and we decided that jesus is a blonde, black, chinese woman with tatoos and piercings. take that, cult of josephville! =) so yes today was a good day. no depressing poetry to write today. haha. ok well wow i think this is the shortest entry ever. will probably write later, unless the phone line is cut off cuz its transferred to my new house-yay! quote... no matter how long it takes to get to know someone, it would take a lifetime to forget them... toodles. *~SaraH~*

Exausted.

natalie, im not going to meet the teams. we're moving tomorrow so im gonna stay and help with that. my new house. yay! and you're helping me move, right? **wink wink** and we decided that we're going to put part of the song save a horse, ride a cowboy in it. how exciting is that? i am exausted. school, then cheerleading, then i went to lindsay's tennis match for a lil bit, and then i had to work at 6. it started storming crazyily, so i went in at 5:30 when lindsay's match was over. and omgosh this boy at work, brandon, is crazy. he was telling me and michelle all about how when he was 10 him and these 3 or 4 other kids made up this song and dance and stuff, and it was really good, and they were going to be the white jackson five, but this girl brittany told the back of the bus and ruined it. and then randomly he was like, but its ok cuz im straight. michelle and i were laughing so hard we were crying. i didnt even know what to say. so then the storm got really bad, we went to michelles house so the snobiz shack didnt blow over or something. lol. but we lived so its all good. and here i am now, soo tired, and tomorrow i have to get up to go to 'pep infusion' the new mix of pep club and spirit infusion. spirit infusion sounds soo much better if you ask me, but whatever, i had no say in anything. leaving now, im about to fall asleep typing this. i hope i can get to sleep tonight. i fell asleep by 11:30 last night, it was good. and tomorrow night we're moving! yay!! omgosh im soo excited, you have no idea. quote... evil is just live spelled backwards... toodles. *~SaraH~*

Die, Word, Die!

As soon as I got home from school today, I turned on the TV to watch my traditional hour of Boy Meets World. Because it wasn't quite 4:00, I flipped through the channels and in my first five minutes of doing so, guess which dreadfully annoying word I heard 4 times? Stoked. I'm sorry, but I absolutely despise that word. It makes people who say it sound stupid, whether they are or not, and has a way of lowering the IQ of all who hear it. And not only did I hear it once, I heard it 4 times in five minutes! Some girl on Trading Spaces said it, and some guy from some stupid MTV show...and I never watch MTV and the one time I do, they say my most hated word. Sheesh. I guess I shouldn't make such a big deal about it, but honestly...what kind of a word is stoked?

More interesting times were to be had at school today. I had anatomy, but I don't think that it will be as hard as chemistry, and that's really all I was worried about. Acting class was today, which is always amazing, and I also had creative writing, which I'm thinking will turn out to be very interesting. Study hall, too, but as that's pretty unremarkable, there's not much to say about it.

So yes, cheerleading was today, but I didn't go...ahem, babysitting, cough cough...and apparently we are supposed to cheer for the Meet the Teams tomorrow. Not even cheer, but "attend," I suppose, but I really don't want to go because we won't be doing anything. Honestly, the guys won't appreciate us being there, they're more likely to be annoyed by us than cheered on. Really, as cheerleaders, we get very little appreciation :-D . But oh well, we just do it for the stunting and the tumbling and the routines. Everything else can just go jump off a cliff.

Mmm time for homework. I've started reading the U.S. History text...not too bad...but I think our anatomy book was written by Stearn. Honestly. "Anatomy According to Stearn." I can picture it now...

YNatalieY

Eh.

So i am basically just writing in this thing for lack of anything better to do. and the fact that i physically cant sleep until i update for the day. hmmm obsessed maybe? most likely. so school today. i havent decided what i think about this year yet. i need to get back into the swing of things before i figure it out. ya know, the whole working all day, then coming home and working some more. blah. that damn chemistry outline was 4 pages long. i got soooo lazy during summer. i honestly did nothing all summer. oh well i enjoyed it. but im calling it now, mr barnhart and i are going to go round and round. well, maybe not, but i dont like him. and i dont agree with (let alone believe in) pretty much everything he says. the class is faith perspectives, as in my own perspective and opinion? i dont think he got the memo. i watched this disney movie tonight called tiger cruise. it was pretty good for a disney movie. it was about this thing called a tiger cruise where family members/friends etc. of navy officers get to go sail on the aircraft carrier with them. well this particular one took place when 9/11 happened. i think it was geared toward younger audiences, to explain the whole thing, but i still enjoyed it. it was sad, i cried. but what else is new. ive figured out it is physically impossible for me to go to bed before 2 AM. last night i got offline at 9:30, cuz my mom was makin me go to bed. and i did. but i was back around 11 because i couldnt sleep. i ended up going back to yellowcard, and drifted off to sleep about 1:30/2:00. and after gettin up at 6 yesterday, cuz i had to shower before my mom, and then gettin up at 5:30 today for 6:30 cheer practice, i am running on empty. lyric of a song again today... take a risk, take a chance, make a change...and breakaway... -kelly clarkson *~SaraH~*

Back Again...Sorry...

Ok, so, this is my second entry of the day...sorry...but I've been reading emails from Bridget on a certain topic and writing them to her for so long that I feel that my opinions must be shared. I would really like some feedback. It's about modesty...yes that wonderful argument that I always manage to get into with Fr. Larry. Here are a few excerpts from my emails.

People have various explanations about what immodesty really is, and why it's "dangerous" to the female image. The pastor at my church, Fr. Larry, is convinced that immodesty endangers women, and that when women dress a certain way, men see them as "easy" and therefore treat them a certain way. I personally had to disagree with him from experience because no matter what I wear, be it sweatpants or short shorts, guys come nowhere near me because they are scared of me. The boys that do come near me, too, have never treated me with anything less than utmost respect in that area. And it's not like I have never worn spaghetti strapped tops or, heck, even low cut tops. Fr. Larry also went so far as to say that he knows that a majority of women dress to attract men.I finished only by saying that the women that I know that are into fashion choose their clothes because they like them. And lots of girls dress to get compliments from other girls because, well, all girls like to be admired by people that they know aren't hitting on them. So, I believe that immodesty rests not in the clothes being worn, but in the attitude set forth by the wearer.

Ok so I'm a nerd to even care. But honestly, I need some feedback. Am I right, or totally off base? Talk to me people.

YNatalieY

Ghosts.

I thought i could handle it. i really thought i could do it. but i realize now that that was impossible. first day of school was today. yeehaw. i tried so hard to forget everything, but i cant do it. the school is full of ghosts. ghosts of memories that as hard as i try, there is no way i will ever be able to forget them. they are permanantly burned into my brain. and as much as it hurts, i really dont think that i want to. i have learned so much through those experiences, as i have previously dragged on about. its all so hard. everything in my life is leaving. or at least changing in some way. and changes are good, i suppose, they leave open room for growth (and we have gone on and on about that as well.) from 5-7 today i just layed in my room with my music and my thoughts. i made it halfway through savage garden, but that wasnt helping, and then i moved on to yellowcard, and for some reason that worked miracles. it allowed me to just let everything go. and i hate crying, but sometimes its the only therapy. im not over it all that fast. dana is still not here, and there is still nothing we can do about it. there will be so many more days of this, i cant even count but i know they'll be there. some will be better, some will be worse. and i had so much more to complain and cry and whine about, but when i sat down earlier to write this, i was interrupted to go to walmart to get school supplies -eh- and some of the tension has eased, so im gonna leave it at this. but i cant help but think that the things i cant find the words to say to anyone, i can post on the internet for who knows how many to read. weird. no quote seems adequate, but this song sums it all up... Call me out You stayed inside One you love Is where you hide Shot me down as I flew by Crash and burn I think sometimes you forget where the heart is Answer no to these questions Let [it] go, learn a lesson It's not me, you're not listening now Can't you see something's missing? You forget where the heart is Take you away from that empty apartment You stay and forget where the heart is Someday if ever you love me you'd say it's okay Waking up from this nightmare How's your life, what's it like there? Is it all what you want it to be? Does it hurt when you think about me? And how broken my heart is Take you away from that empty apartment You stay and forget where the heart is Someday if ever you love me you'd say it's okay It's okay to be angry and never let go It only gets harder the more that you know When you get lonely if no one's around You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down We came together but you left alone And I know how it feels to walk out on your own Maybe someday I will see you again And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend Take you away from that empty apartment You stay and forget where the heart is Someday if ever you love me you'd say its okay It's okay It's okay isnt yellowcard amazing? -sarah

Another Day, Another Dollar

Today was interesting, I suppose. The first real day of school, although some argue that since we didn't really do much besides discuss the different classroom rules that it didn't actually count. I say that sitting in nine different classrooms in one day counts. But, I have high hopes that this year won't be as deathly horrible as last year, and all of you who know me know that I barely made it through last year with my sanity. No chemistry this year at least. Wow, I'm thankful for that, at least. And some pretty good classes, Acting for Theatre which seems to stick out vividly in my mind. Elly and I are in that class...wow it will be amazing to be in the same acting class as her, I seriously cannot wait until we get started on the play. Well, I have to go get ready for tomorrow...I have to wake up super early for cheerleading at 6:30. Umm....death, you say? Well, you are correct.

YNatalieY

This is the End

This is the last night of summer, and of freedom. It's not the fact that I have to go to school tomorrow, either -- I don't mind that much. It's the fact that many months of no sleep and endless work come right after it. My plan was to savor every moment of this day, but it went quickly anyways. I watched a lot of the Boy Meets World marathon on Family Channel, talked to John and some Pittsburgh friends, and all around tried to be as lazy as possible, for the mere reason that I won't have much opportunity to do so in the near future. So, for that reason alone, I am filling out this crazy survey sent to me by numerous people. It is my last act of laziness for a long while. Enjoy.

Name: Natalie

Nicknames: ehh none that I know of.....Natalia maybe

Schools: St. Bernadette, St. Joe’s, St. Dominic

Hair: I am a brunetteEyes: bluish greenish Height: 5' 7"

Siblings: little sister, Nikki, almost 13

How many cassette tapes do you own? A few, I have a Grease one

How many cd's do you own? Ohh very many

How many mp3s do you own? None What color are your shoes? Well which ones? Because I have millions

Describe your bedroom: its big and blue

Are you a vegetarian? Oooo no the idea is wonderful but I despise veggies

How about an aspiring actor/actress?? Mmm maybe.....;-)

What famous person dead or alive would you interview if you had the chance? Elizabeth I

What movies do you have almost all the lines memorized to? Grease, every episode of Boy Meets World

What is right next to you? My giant rubber ducky

Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with? John :)

How many people are on your buddy list? 200

How's the weather right now? Pretty

Are you too shy to ask a girl/guy out? Ehh I don’t think I’m too shy to, I just don’t think I would

If you could change your name, what would it be? I have no idea

What will your first son's name be? Atticus...thats an awesome name Megan...if we both have sons that are in the same class I am thinking they will have the same name

What will your first daughter's name be? Grace? Thats what I am thinking

Dysfunctional family? Nope

Are you a virgin? yes

What posters do you have in your room? Eh paul mccartney, care bears, Van Gogh’s Starry Night Are you happy? Most of the time

Are you talking to someone right now? Yes

What time do you wake up in the mornings? In summer? Noonish

What did you have for breakfast? Pancakes

Who would you hate to be left in a room with? Tyler pascoe...im sorry but he is not a nice kid

Who inspires you? :-D megan inspires me, too.....bridget....joe siebelts.....john

What characteristics do you despise? Stupidity and meanness, especially when combined

If you had a big win on the lottery, how long would you leave it before telling people? Id be way too excited to wait Where would you retire to? To my crazy house with the secret passageway

Can you juggle? Heh no

What are your pet peeves? Again, stupidity....and when people are racist....and when people sit and crack all of their knuckles one at a time ooh I just want to hit them What makes you sad? Change, and uh the world in general?

What song are you listening to right now? Angels Do you have a LiveJournal? I have a blogspot journal

>----------------------FAVORITES----------------------

Deodorant: Clinique

Shampoo: Fructis

Soap: ehh lily of the valley lol Radio station: 103.3

Kind of music: oldies

Cartoon character: Belle from Beauty and the Beast

Color of post-it note: haha what a dumb question....green?

Color of lightsabre: orange maybe? I don’t even like orange

Song: Lady Madonna

Food: mm chinese food, fettuccine Alfredo, and chocolate

Drink: lemonade, water Candy: snickers, toblerone

Lust or love: love

Scary or funny movies: either

Talking to people on the phone or in person: in person!

Favorite language you can't speak: ehh arabic definitely

Gold or silver: silver

TV show: Boy Meets World

Beach or city: i love both. i want to live in/on both.

Summer or winter: summer only because of no school....I think that winter is absolutely beautiful

Ice cream: snickers!

Buttered, plain, or salted popcorn: buttered, but im not a big popcorn fan to begin with

Car: uhh mine?

Sandwich filling: ham or turkey, but theres nothing like a good PB and J when you’re in the mood

Flower: lilies, roses, and these really pretty flowers we have growing outside

Fizzy or still water: definitely, DEFINITELY still.....they have lots of fizzy water in europe and it is gross

Day of the week: wednesday

And best album to cry to: don’t have a specific one

>----------------------DO YOU BELIEVE...----------------------

In God? yes

In Heaven/Hell? Yes

In life on other planets? its possible, but unless they want to eat my brain or something i dont really care whether or not they exist – lol nice megan

In miracles? Most definitely

In fate? In some situations

Is it possible to remain faithful forever? yes

In astrology? Not so much

In magic? Some kinds

>----------------------FRIENDS AND CRUSHES----------------------

Do you have a bf/gf? Yes

Love anyone? yes :-D

Who's your loudest friend : enter katerina jackson

Who is the smartest? Bridget finnegan...and joseph siebelts... and john of course

Who do you go to for advice? Depends on what it is about

Who do you cry with? Bjsgbiusdhns

Do you have a secret crush? Oooo no no Do you remember your first love? Love? Or crush? If crush, then yes

Still love him/her? Nope

Do you have any gay or lesbian friends? I don’t think so

Do you have a best friend? Yes

Who do you miss most? FOSSILS.....Bridget because I talk to her so much....Jeff for the same reason

Last person you kissed? John :-)

Do you want to kiss someone right now? yes, pretty please

>----------------------DO YOU....----------------------

Smoke? No

Do drugs? no

Sleep with stuffed animals? Yessss

live in the moment? hmm..sorta....maybe....not really....maybe

have a dreem that keepss coming back? no play an instrument? not really.

Go to church? Yeahdo well in school? yes

Go to or plan to go to college? yes

Wear hats? Heh sometimes

Have any piercings? No.....weird

Have any tattoos? no

Hate yourself? Ooo noo

Have an obsession? Oo Boy Meets World

Collect anything? Rubber duckies

Wish on stars? i have before

Do you like your handwriting? Not especially

Care about looks? Mine? Or someone else’s?

Eat Oreos? Oooo yes

Consider yourself tolerant of others? People who are different, yes...people who are annoying, no

Consider love a mistake? No

Carry a donor card? Yes but I havent filled it out

>----------------------LAST THINGS YOU DID----------------------

Last book you read: I am reading Wicked right now

Last movie you saw: Double Double Toil and Trouble....yes, I am serious

Last album you heard: In this Skin

Last thing you had to drink: ice water

Last thing you ate: mmm food from Shogun

What was the last film you saw in the cinema: The Princess Diaries 2

What did you do for your last birthday? Is it really, really pathetic that I don’t remember?

>----------------------HAVE YOU EVER...----------------------

Been Mean? Of course

Been sarcastic? Noooooooo (note the sarcasm) Talked to someone you've had a crush on? Umm what?

Missed someone? yes

Fought with your parents? Of course, doesnt everyone at some point?

Laughed until you've cried? Ohhh yes

Watched a sunrise/sunset? yes

Went to the beach at night? yea Tried to analyze your own dreams? Lol yeah

lied to get off the phone? not lately :-D

Written a survey? no, but i fill them out all the time

Written a song? Yes in fifth grade Lauren and I wrote one....it was pure genius

Written a poem? Many

Bought a cd for just one song? One, the Helen Reddy CD, it has I Am Woman on it

Been in an airplane? yeah

If so where were you flying to? Uh everywhere.

Been so drunk you blacked out? haha no

Missed school because it was raining? LOL no

Set a body part on fire for amusement? Oh yes that is my favorite pastime

Kept a secret from a friend? All the time

Had an imaginary friend? no

Wanted to hook up with a friend: nooo

Cried during a movie? yes

Liked a teacher? Eww considering who I’ve had for a teacher.... lets just leave it at eww Thought a cartoon character was real? Um nope.

Prank called someone? lol thats all we do at cheer camp. Heh cheer camp rules

Had a hickey? Nope

>>----------------------TODAY HAVE YOU....----------------------

Smiled? yes

Laughed? Yes

Cried? No Bought something? No no

Danced? Yes yes, wanna know why? The curtains are on fire, the curtains are on fire....

Been sarcastic? Most likely

Talked to an ex? Heh no Watched your favorite movie? No but I waTCHED A GOOD ONE (dang the caps)

oK, finally that deathly long survey is over, I reallly did not realize just how agonizingly long it is. If you have read it all the way through, I praise you. Good night now.

YNatalieY

Painkiller For My Emotions

Wow Natalie. I am in complete awe of your entry. In some completely weird way, that goes with everything that is happening to me right now. Your entry was amazing, and i could never write anything that good, but i will try my best to do it the honor of following it well. I, too, have always hated that stupid saying, "Everything happens for a reason" What possibe explanation can you give for why a parent is killed and a child left parentless? Or a child killed and a parent left childless? Or car accidents or shootings or any of the horrible things in our world? There is absolutely no reason for those things, and saying 'everything happens for a reason' is just a cheap excuse someone makes to lie to themselves trying to make things seem ok. Let's face it, some things just happen for no reason, and we cannot control them, no matter what we think or do. That is what i learned this summer. I learned that things just happen, and we have no say in it. Since July i have driven myself crazy over the fact that i let myself get close to Jake. I wont say that i 'fell for him' because i do not believe that i have. but i think that with time, i quite possibly could have. and that is so unbelievably scary for me, because i have always thought of myself as one that does not get all tangled up with boys. ive like them, and have had crazy crushes, sure, but i have never believed that love is possible at such a young age. yes, there are exceptions, but in general, people at 15, 16, 17 years old just dont know enough about themselves, the world, or just life in general to be able to be 'In Love'. people could Love each other, but they couldnt possible be 'In Love' with that other person. but that outlook has changed. i cant pinpoint exactly what made me change my mind, and there are still times that i think its not possible. but now theres a little voice in the back of both my head and heart that says 'you're wrong'. and i wont go to the extreme of saying that i have ever been 'in love' but i realize now that even just liking someone a lot(let alone falling in love) happens so quickly and without thinking that by the time you realize what's happening, it has already happened, and there is nothing you can do about it. it was out of your control, but not for a particular reason. like natalie said, things happen, and they open you up to new experiences, but not because a specific thing has to happen. Jake left, and thats what triggered all the things i said above. but the REASON he left wasnt for me to figure that out, it was just one effect caused by his leaving, and it has affected me for the rest of my life. (now this isnt really the same thing, its more of just me complaining about all the shit that is going on right now, so just bear with me...) and what reason can be given for dana having to leave? anybody that knows us can just tell how close we are. i once asked someone how long they thoughtd we'd known each other, and the person said, "gosh i dont know, 7 or 8 years maybe?" nope, about a year. and less than that of us actually talking and becoming friends. we just clicked so unbelievably, and it just happened. thats usually how things are with us, they just happen and we dont even realize it. and now that things have finally gotten good again, (we survived many months of groundings and getting in trouble, thanks to the fact that almost everything we did, dana got caught and punished for) she is being forced to move to michigan. what excuse can be given for that? it's just not fair. we have had to deal with so much shit, about just about everything, and now we are being ripped away from each other, to seperate parts of the country. she is in a different TIME ZONE for christ sake. and dont you dare tell me there could possibly be a good explanation for that. it just happened, without us having any say, and we are being forced to deal with it and its repurcussions, and my god there are gonna be thousands. we are used to seeing each other every day, sometimes twice a day, and now she is 600 miles away. someone please how THAT's gonna work. we can't go get taco's and pimp juice with matt when it takes 10 hours just to get to her house. we cant role on the floor in the hallways laughing hysterically and have madame faserro look at us funny when we dont even go to the same school. we cant lie to our parents, telling them we're staying after school for a pep club meeting, when actually we are getting picked up by our boys to go somewhere, when we are in two seperate states. there cant possibly be a REASON for us to go through so much hell. i cant even count the number of times someone has come up to one of us and asked, "where's dana?" or "where's sarah?". thats just how we are. its gonna suck, just icing on the cake of a overall pretty sucky summer. so someone please write me a prescription for a painkiller for my emotions. *~SaraH~*

A Reflection

Last night, I had a lot of time to think about things. All throughout my life, I've hated when people have told me that things happen for a reason. I've always regarded that saying as an easy way out, a way of comforting someone about change without actually having to acknowledge that something bad was happening to that person. That saying serves as a way to disregard all the bad happening in front of you, an excuse not to deal with the situation. I still don't believe that it holds any truth, and that is why I have changed it to the following:

For every instance of pain, there comes a new opportunity for happiness.

This saying details what I've gone through in the last few months. When John and I broke up this past March, more people than I can count told me that it happened for a reason. Besides the fact that I wanted to deck every one of them, it made me think about how things DON'T always happen for a reason. Things happen no matter what anyone does, and no matter what comes next. Change does not determine what comes next, it only presents a new range of opportunities to be experienced, and we have to risk pain to achieve happiness. Making the right choices doesn't always lead to joy -- sometimes it leads to more pain -- but that change presents a whole new range of opportunity, and so the circle continues. When John and I broke up, I chose to hang out more with people that I had only usually seen in school. It was easier on me to be with people that I could have fun with, talk to, etc. And now that John and I are back together, there is a neater balance between friends and boyfriend. I'm more confident, more assured, more unbelievably happy. This didn't happen because John and I broke up, but because I chose to make it happen. The break up only presented me with the opportunity that I needed to grow.

The bottom line: Don't take things at face value, and don't fall victim to the belief that from every bad comes a good. You have to make the good.

YNatalieY

Reflexes, Tingles, Gymnastics. amd Fear Factor.

This is what we learned on thursday night. We all had to go to school -eh- and get our schedules/parking tags/pictures/yearbooks. Then Natalie and i took lindsay to tennis and went to dairy queen. after we picked her up we went to lions choice with joe, james, and tony. then natalie left to go spend a wonderful evening with her boy, john, and we went to my house and hung out at the club house and played pool and stuff. after we went to joes house to get his car, where his mom swore she met me somewhere else, and in all honestly i swear ive never met the woman before. oh well. finaly, we went to james's and ended up getting chinese. ooo it was good. tony was a chinese virgin, so we had to get him some. of course, he got shrimp, which is not technically chinese food, but it came with rice so i guess it counts. lindsay and i got the orange chicken and crab rangoon of course, and it was amazing. yuuuummmy. ok so now that was what led up to the reflexes, tingles and gymnastics. after the chinese food, i insisted we watched the olympics, cuz, well, im obsessed, as i have previously admitted. somehow or another, we got to talking about reflexes at the doctor, which led to testing our own reflexes. This is what we learned last night: 1. In order to test your reflexes, you leg has to be resting flat with no tension in it. using something hard (we find satellite tv remotes work well) you gently hit the squishy part right under your knee cap. sometimes, it requires more than one gentle hit. 2. By testing your reflexes, it makes your legs tingle. i am not sure why, but we know it does. 3. Joe hit his, uh, parts and discovered it does not give the same sensation as checking for reflexes. this is a direct quote, "It hurts,". 4. There is a chinese gymnast that has a comb over like craig lueddekke's freshmen year. We think that she didnt know that it was the women's competition 5. People falling on their faces is hysterical. 6. Gymnasts, like, all have, like, high voices, ya know Melissa? And they, like, dont, like, comprehend it, like, right away, when they, like, win, like, big meets, ya know? Now Bob, it's like, really cool, and like, i think im, like, dreaming, like, ya know? 7. Fear Factor is getting even more ridiculous. The new events: -eat rat poison, and see how long you can go without dying -get held underwater and see how long you can go without dying so that was our thursday night. eventful, dont you think? well today i worked from 5-close. we got fazollis. woo hoo was it yummy. oh and my exboyfriend danny came up to snobiz today.(if u know me, you know this is hysterical, cuz the kid tells ppl he hates me) and guess who he was with? my friend leslie. apparently theyve been together for like 2 months now. i was cracking up, it was hysterical. brandy was like, omg sarah are you ok? settle down. it was great. oh and danny painted his truck green and black, probably to be just like jarred, and then spraypainted 4x4 on the side. what a piece. lol it was great. i called dana and we were laughing so hard. but anyway, he was really nice to me, so i gotta give him that. lol. dana leaves me tomorrow. michigan sucks, you know that? it really does. i really hope she can come back for homecoming. that would be freaking amazing. wonderful joe said he would be her date. i really hope it all works out. i dont think it's hit me yet that she is actually not going to be here. i dont know what im going to do. this year is going to be interesting, thats for damn sure. i guess im done now, im kinda tired, i babysat all morning and afternoon and worked all night. eh and i have to work tomorrow 12-6. if your around, come see me! =) my damn family gets to go to grant's farm, and im stuck working. doesnt it suck? 2 quotes today... for yesterday - it's only funny until someone gets hurt, then it's hilarious and for dana - a friend would be there to bail you out of jail, but a best friend would be there sitting next to you saying, "damn, that was fun!" (haha and boy have we pretty much been through it all!!) toodles. *~SaraH~*

Cheerleading = Death

natalie i beat u too it. ;) so why does cheerleading = death you may ask? cuz it is a pain in the ass, we would answer. summer cheer practices werent bad at all. we got a lot done, actually. we worked out our stunt groups, learned some new stuff at camp, and kind of bonded, if you will. but now that school is starting *cringe* we face 6 months of hell. including 6:30 AM practices, weeks of after school homecoming practices where the control freaks go insane over the stupid details that will eventually be worked out- if everyone would just listen to what kathy has to say, scorchingly hot games in nasty 100% polyester uniforms that never fit right, and probably countless torn muscles and such. and why do we do it? i have no idea. so anyway. i started talking to natalie's friend jeff yesterday. he was a very neat boy and we have a lot in common. he is a swimmer and can actually understand my ramblings about the olympics. most ppl just nod, smile, and change the subject when i start going about ian thorpe (shouldnt be in the olympics period) and michael phelps (im going to marry him ;) speaking of the olympics, the women's gymnastics team got the silver last night in the team final. i was pretty happy. the romanians truly deserved the gold, they did amazing. carly patterson, the US's captain, (well i think shes the captain...im not sure...) was pissed. but i guess i would be too if i was her, she screwed up on 2 of the 4 events. the men's 4x200 relay got the gold and beat australia. it was great. australia hasnt lost that relay in a long time. to follow up on yesterday, i wrote jake a letter last night and will probably mail it later today. i still cant get over the weirdness of it all. ok im done. if anything good happens, i may update... quote of the day...how bout a cheerleading quote? seeing as how that was my topic... sure they won the game, but who threw the girl 10 feet in the air? toodles! *~SaraH~* PS I Heart Krissy Wilmes!! =)

Sign?

I realize i just updated this thing 12 hours ago, but i have news. so im just sitting up at the pool with my mom and lil brother and sister for lack of anything better to do, trying to tan my legs so i dont look like a ghost when i wear my white skirt for school pictures on thursday. well anyway, my sister goes and gets the mail, and im just like ok whatever, not expecting anything. and my mom tells me i have a letter. so i look at hte return adress, and its from jakes house. now anybody that knows me knows that ive been waiting for a letter from this kid since he left at the beginning of july. so it turned out to be a short note from his mom telling me that jake's doing well and that he misses everyone and asked her to send his friends his address so they could write him. [didnt you just love that play-by-play? =) ] and dont you think its just a little bit weird that right when im trying to forget it and move on, i get a letter from his mom telling me to write him? its just too weird, and i cant help but notice the irony. ok so its not exactly irony, but you know what i mean. blah. i just dont know. its all too weird.

Student Council = Death

Yes, so, today I had to wake up super early to go to Freshman Orientation. Such a complete waste of time. Elly and I have been complaining of the uselessness of Stuco since freshman year, and today has just further proved this theory. We didn't do anything, really...stood in classrooms and handed out freshman schedules, explained them, etc. We helped direct them to their classrooms, but that's pretty much all. Elly and I went and sat in the cafeteria and played with the mustard packets....ewww she ate the mustard plain....and got to give out the cookies when it came to lunch time. Actually, we pretty much made the freshmen take cookies and called them by the names on their nametags, which was funny because they looked so confused. This entire time passed by with Matt Gearin stalking us because everywhere we went, he went, although it was not on purpose. Maybe.

Not too much else here. Cheerleading pictures are this evening, and school pictures are on Thursday. We also get our parking spots and school schedules, and even though I am the girl who professes not to be in the least excited for school to start, I do think that it will be interesting to see what the classes are like. For one day, mind you. I am not at all excited to go to school for a whole year. Summer has been way too short...and it's a bit sad, but I suppose that I must brace myself for the year ahead. Once it's here, I won't want for it to end, because it is going to be the last year of its kind. I don't want senior year. I would gladly sleep through senior year and wake up in time for college. But I must be positive about it, I guess...I'll be okay when it does come, and confident the whole year through. But just as I won't want junior year to end, the end of senior year will not come soon enough.

YNatalieY

Only one...

So i came to the realization today, well actualy it was the other day- ive been thinking about it lately though, that i am pretty much the only one of my friends that does not have a boyfriend. its a weird feeling, let me tell you. almost lonely. and i dont like to complain about these things, i really dont, i just cant help but notice. and what else is a thing like this blog good for other than just stating stupid stuff like that? but yes, it is a very odd feeling. left out in a way? no, that's not a good way of putting it. i can't explain it. i think lonely is a good term. yes thats it. im trying to be happy, i really am. im just not. and maybe 'happy' isnt a good way of describing it. its more of just not satisfied. just blah. and it's not the whole 'no boyfriend' thing that makes me 'not happy', its just a lot of things. i've never been the girl who always has to have a boyfriend. i definately dont need a guy to make me happy. i think ive only had maybe 3 actual declared boyfriend/girlfriend boyfriends before. maybe even two. hell i dont know. i just cant help this feeling. i just see everyone together and happy and comfortable with each other, and i cant help but think that i wish i had that. and then that makes me kind of angry because ive never ever needed that before. and who knows why that its now that im being like this. i have no idea, and if someone understands, please explain it to me because id like to know. it almost like im missing out on something, even though i dont exactly know what that something is. so there, that's my rant for the day. Anyway, today was slow. i slept in and my mom took me to go do the drug test for walgreens. i can honestly say that peeing in a cup is disgusting, and that i could never be the ppl that work there. EW. then we went to the bank and i cashed my paycheck. i mostly just vegged at the house and watched the Olympics. i baby-sat for my old neighbors. we watched the men's gymnastics team final. lol. silver medal! yay! oh and i am pissed that ian thorpe beat michael phelps in the 200 free. PUH!!! thorpe isnt even supposed to be there! he freaking false started in the trials! the only reason he is there is because the original australian swimmer that actually QUALIFIED backed down. that is not even fair. ian thorpe didnt even swim in the trials, at all! he jumped off the block! grr. definately not fair. =( oh and i decided that i want the job of the guy who is always on tv on nbc commentating between events, like saying whats next and reminding ppl who won and stuff. thatd be amazing! after i marry michael phelps of course. haha jp...or am i? ;) oh and congrats to the japanese men's gymnastics team, they did so good, and won the gold medal! (cuz of course they are all going to be checking our blog to make sure we said 'good job') tomorrow is the women's team final. i hope they do good! but im doubting it. from what i saw yesterday in the qualifiers, they werent lookin to hot. oh well. sometimes i miss gymnastics, but then i remember how scared i was of the beam and i miss it less. wow so could i have written a little bit more? possibly...but lets not find out... quote... what happened to miss independent? -kelly clarkson toodles. *~SaraH~*

On Ebay...On Ebay...

Today was my first Ebay bidding experience...I lost...but it was interesting nontheless. I saw the complete Boy Meets World DVD collection, and as I know that it isn't for sale anywhere, I decided to bid on it, only to lose in the last 8 seconds. Oh well, yes, I was bummed out for about 15 seconds before John said that we should look it up on Google to see if there was anywhere else to get it, and, voila! there was. So...I ordered it as a present for my birthday from my mom, so that's all good. But honestly, Ebay is pretty cool...its kind of fun when it gets down to the last couple of minutes. Wow. That sounds so nerdy. But anyways, the rest of my evening was really nice. John came over and we watched Who's Line and stuff and it was just wonderful. I'm still really happy about everything, and I feel so content. I hope that things stay that way for school this year because believe it or not, death of school is soo close. I had to go to a Student Council meeting this morning to talk about Freshman Orientation, which is tomorrow and which I have to attend to help out at. Stuco is almost always pointless, but then again, Elly and I realized that freshman year. Also tomorrow is cheerleading pictures, which Megan just told me about because apparently Mr. Liberstein forgot I was on the cheerleading squad so he didn't call to tell me about them. So yes, that is tomorrow, as well as Joe's other two Dierberg's softball games, which I will attend if I can actually get to Dierberg's on time. Maybe I'll get to play again (!!!) but just in case, I'm wearing tennis shoes this time. Hope it doesn't matter that I'll be dressed like a Dominic cheerleader....

YNatalieY

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

Omy gosh guys!! School is coming and our summer is ending. How absolutely horrible is that??? Back to school we go to see what awaits us there, nothing to thrilling that I am sure of. But maybe, perhaps, good things will come from certain things. I guess we will see soon enough. Too soon, I'm afraid. AHHHHH....!!! Well enough dwelling on the stupidness of the world. Now on to, oh i dont know. You know what??!?! I just declared that I'm going to be happy, from now on. No more dwelling on the past or things that make me upset. Now just things that make me oh so happy. Which I need to be thankful for. And I'm going to thank them. First and foremost thank you to all of my wonderful friends that have been there with me through it all. All of the hard times, trying to understand my confusingness, thanks for not giving up on me. Then Tim, thank you for so much always being there for me to talk to. Even if sometimes its hard for me, cause what can I say I'm stupid like that. Just keep on trying and eventually I'll be not so stupid. heh. Woops. And you make me so happy, thank you, and I need you to make me happy. Love you for that. Joey!! heh. Awesome. Thank you for being there for me to cry on! It means a whole lot to me. You are an amazing, amazing person. Natalie!! ah Bread Co. theres no happier place than that one. Thats for sure. Ahhhh and thank you to for understanding craziness with everything thats happened. It means so much, for me to have someone to talk to, girl wise with all my crazy boys. hehe. Tony!! once again amazing, but now you are taken from me from Danielle. Heh, and shes amazing and one lucky girl to have such a kind and caring guy like you. Thank you for always being there for me to talk to. Joe Ro!! Where've ya been, havent talked to you in a while!! Thanks for making me talk to you about things. It means so much to me that you even want to sit around and listen to my shit!! heh thanks! And Sarah!!! Thank you for making me be able to relax and laugh!! So much fun!!! Oh and by the way I just got your message on my cell, I never check my cell, woops, um... here's my home phone 441-3438!!! Call me if you cant reach my cell. Um.. I'm gonna try calling you. So...! heh! THANK YOU!! so much to everyone!! I love you all so much!! Mwahh!! heh ~*~Lindsay~*~

Maybe I'm Amazed...

At the way you love me all the time.....hehehe he loves me.....and I am oh so happy....the happiest that I've been in a very, very long time. I love you John Lindmeier, you are my bestest friend. Thank you for giving me everything in the world that is important.

I don't really have much else to say besides the fact that I am so very happy right now. Sometimes I wonder how much things will be ok, but now I am quite sure that they will be. I feel very confident in myself and in the world...it wouldn't dare to turn its back on me. I'm pretty sure that right now, at this point in time, I am EXACTLY where I want to be.

YNatalieY

Olympics Obsessed

ok its official. i am obsessed with the olympics. im not quite sure why, but i am. i am sincerely disappointed with the gymnastics this year, both men and women's. they just seem off. i hope it gets better. i want to win! i am in love with the swimming though. i am going to marry micheal phelps. i decided. or blane wilson, the gymnast, but i think he's like 30 or something, so i definately have more of a shot with micheal. =) i also watched the men's beach volleyball, and i am happy to say that we beat australia. so in other developments. dana and i were going to go underwear shopping today, because 1. we both need some new ones, and 2. she needs xtra special ones for michigan. but then i remembered that the mall closes at 6 on sundays, and it was like 5:30. so we went to target and kohls, and neither had anything halfway decent. plus, its super expensive. im all for the 99 cent bin at rue 21. oh well. we got hot dog dog toys and fun purses at target. (mine's disney princess, and her's is barbie. they were only 5 bucks!) and dana loved the calendar i made her. its amazing. each page is a collage with things that i cut out of magazines, and each thing means something to us. how cool is that? and i got a real bowling pin from a bowling alley and wrote a bunch of our inside jokes on it. as many that would fit anyway. now onto the survey/questions thing. i definately dont know enough songs by one artist/group etc. to do all of them, so im gonna use everything. k? alright sounds good. here i go. oh and i would like to say that natalie did an amazing job filling that out. 1. What’s your name? Emily (bowling for soup) 2. Describe yourself. Flat on the Floor (Nickelback) 3. How do some people feel about you? Priceless (Incubus) 4. How do you feel about yourself? Almost There, Going Nowhere (The Starting Line) 5. Describe a very old girlfriend/boyfriend/interest. You Don't Mean Anything (Simple Plan) 6. Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend/interest. Here Without You (3 doors down) 7. Where are you? One Day (Simple Plan) 8. Where would you rather be? Space (Something Corporate 9. Describe what you want to be. Stronger (Britney Spears) 10. Describe how you live. Come What May (Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman -Moulin Rouge) 11. Describe how you love. Truly, Madly, Deeply (Savage Garden) 12. Share a few words of wisdom. Take Me As I Am (Tonic) 14. What do you feel like right now? Complicated (Avirl Lavigne) 15. What do you always need? Promises (Savage Garden) 16. What do you always want? [the] Greatest Day (bowling for soup) 17. What's something that you wish people would understand? Changes (3 doors down) 18. What are you wearing? Tears of Pearls (Savage Garden) 19. If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called? The Drama Summer (The Starting Line) 20. Why are you filling this out? You Wanted More (Tonic) Thats not very good, but oh well. alright im done for today. im tired. quote... if love is red, then i must be color blind. -savage garden toodles. *~SaraH~*

From Me to You

Yeah, so, I know this is my second entry of the day, but I found this super awesome survey on the blog of a friend of my friend Jeff, who lives in Pittsburgh. Seriously, it is awesome, and I hope the other members of this blog (cough cough Sarah, Lindsay) will fill it out, too. Just remember, no one can beat the Beatles. Choose a band or singer and answer the questions using only their song titles. The Beatles / Paul McCartney 1. What’s your name? Eleanor Rigby* 2. Describe yourself. Here, There, and Everywhere* 3. How do some people feel about you? Love Me Do * 4. How do you feel about yourself? Getting Better * 5. Describe a very old girlfriend/boyfriend/interest. Hello, Goodbye * 6. Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend/interest. All My Loving *, I want to Hold Your Hand * 7. Where are you? Here Today * 8. Where would you rather be? Back in the USSR * 9. Describe what you want to be. Paperback writer* 10. Describe how you live. Eight days a Week * 11. Describe how you love. All you need is Love * 12. Share a few words of wisdom. Let it Be * 14. What do you feel like right now? I Feel Fine * 15. What do you always need? Freedom * 16. What do you always want? (a) Yellow Submarine * 17. What's something that you wish people would understand? Yesterday * 18. What are you wearing? Something * 19. If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called? The Long and Winding Road * 20. Why are you filling this out? Maybe I’m Amazed * YNatalieY

Webster University, Ruby Tuesdays, and Beige Paint

I know that I haven't written here in awhile, and yes, I'm sorry for that. I tried to update on Thursday but the site was down, and I was really just too tired to update yesterday. I wanted to write about Wednesday, and how I randomly became a part of Schnuck's softball team for a day and led them to victory (or at least stood at 2nd base pretending I knew how to play), and about us getting lost on the way to the game, and about trying to teach James how to dance to Frank Sinatra. But maybe the site was down for a reason, and maybe the sadder aspects of that night aren't supposed to be written about.

On Thursday, I was granted permission by my mother to drive to Webster University to hang out with John. Which meant that I had to drive there by myself, from 94 to 364 to 270 to 44...it was crazy. I'll admit that as I was driving there I was so nervous that I would get lost and end up in Oklahoma that I practically reread the directions every 5 minutes. I once got off the wrong exit but was able to get right back on 44 so it ended up all right, and I found the university without having to call for more help. It was a fun night, I got to meet all of John's friends and we walked around the campus and watched downloaded reruns of the 1960s TV show about Batman. Driving home was scarier than driving there because I couldn't read the directions unless someone was shining their headlights into my car, so I pretty much had to follow my memory and the street signs.

Last night I went to Ruby Tuesdays with John (he wanted to take me out to dinner). Although it is pretty much the same restaurant as Applebee's and Friday's, I thought it was really good, and we had a random crazy waiter who kept refilling my glass practically everytime I took a sip. I had a great time! Then we came back here to hang out and wound up falling asleep on the couch, which was really funny because we woke up reaaally late and he had to go. But he's coming over today for a little while to help my family paint. We're painting that montrous blue wall in my family room beige (ick, so neutral...but then again, we are trying to sell the place). I've already helped with the painting, but it bored me easily (all I got to do was help with the primer) so I'm pretty bored right now. I'll probably end up having to do some more though, so maybe I'll go hide in my room where they won't find me. I've got to go now though (meh, they've found me before I could escape!) so I'm off to go help. Tonight is a mystery to me, but I think my mom wants to do a whole mother-daughter-y night thing, so we'll see how that goes. Tootles. YNatalieY

Typical Teenager

First of all, i would like to say that i am extremely dissapointed that all three of us forgot to post yesterday. it was friday the 13th! that is US and we forgot to post. how could we? lol. so anyway. im not sure why, but lately i have been in the weirdest moods. they come and go, but more so come than go lately. i just get really, BLAH. Typical moody teenager, i guess u could say. and i have to agree with Lindsay, this summer definately did not seem like summer. but somehow, i think it has been my most important summer. ive learned a lot. a lot about myself, about other people, about life in general. im not trying to get all philosophical or anything, but i really feel like ive changed, or grown up, or something. and maybe im just being like this because ive been reading a bunch of books about how the main character(s) all change and mature and stuff over the summer. who knows. but i feel like i can relate to it all more. i just had to get that off my chest. i must go now, i have a job interview in an hour at walgreens. wish me luck! quote of the day... eveything is ok in the end, if its not ok, than its not the end toodles. *~SaraH~*

Goodbye to a friend...and a hello to many more!!!!

I havent updated this in a while! heh, a couple days! Well, this past week has been pretty hard on me. Well I guess not the week, but a day was. I had to wake up at 8 all week to go to tennis. Which is always fun.NOT!! Well it got better towards the end of the week, Abby Lanza and me are now doubles partners, and let me say we are defintely kicking some ass!! And yeah school starts in a week!! ahhhh!!! Thats so scary, seriously, it hasnt been summer yet, or so it feels like for me, it went way to fast. And yesterday, I decided that I'm going to right a book about what has happened to me over the past year... So I kinda summed some of it up yesterday. Heh its pretty stupid... Well this whole summer has been to least say intresting. I have far more gained then I have lost. But yet lost far more than I know how to handle. Two nights ago, I said goodbye to my bestfriend of almost two years. And during those two years, we grew together, shared tears and laughter, but most importantly we shared memories together that will last a lifetime. Yeah I dont know why I just put that in there, but I did, I guess its pure boredom. Heh, well last night was Lauren's 13th birthday. So my family and laurens friend Alexa went out to eat at applebees last night and came home and ate cake. Earlier Nikki, Alexa, and Lauren and me went and saw Princess Diaries 2!!! Well I loved it. Heh, You should all go and see it. So then I went to bed early last night like around 10:30ish, and then at 11:30ish. Joe S. comes over. Well I kinda knew he was coming cause I called him around 10 ish to see what they were doing. So he came over late last night and I was sorta asleep. Cause Tim, Goldfarb, Tony, and him had done something last night. So Joe came over and gave me a fake flower, heh, from Tim and a dollar!! Heh, woo hoo!! That was awesome!!!!!! Well I'm out!! byes ~*~Lindsay~*~

Life Lessons

major catastrophe averted. haha that sounds like the first line in a movie or something. maybe it could be the first line of our Traveling Pants Movie...haha just kidding. that would not make any sense at all. so anyway, the current catastrophe at hand is the fight with my mom. well, its not really 'at hand' anymore, seeing as how we resolved everything earlier. but just be forewarned...whenever a parent tries to tell you they are right, even if they're not, chances are a blow-out will soon follow, if you stand up for yourself. so there. today's life lesson. in other news, chelsie and i had a blast. im talking to her right now actually. she copied off me and made a blog herself, www.pinkyfish.blogspot.com its definately not as good as this one, though. ;) we went shopping last night and i bought some new jeans. they are very cute. and i was very happy to find that american eagle has cotton collared shirts that i can wear to school. they're not like last season's ones, these are really soft and stretchy. i bought two. =) i was supposed to work today, from 2-6, but because of the weather they called and said i didnt have to come in. i understand it, but its kinda gay. i need the money. i only need $100 more for my first 6 months of car insurance. i guess i should have a car first, but thats what the 'rents said. no money, no car. so i saved lotsa money. yay. lol. well i have a headache, maybe ill go lie down...ib profen would be nice... before i forget, quote of the day: what do u do when the only person who can make u stop crying is the one who made you cry? toodles. *~SaraH~*

A Book...and A Movie

I've realized that that is actually the title of this book at Borders. I think. Or maybe it is A Movie....and A Book. I'm not exactly sure. I suppose it doesn't matter. The reason for the title in the first place is to show that yesterday, I devoted all of my time to a book and a movie -- The Notebook. When I woke up yesterday, I began to read it and it was such a wonderful love story...Nicholas Sparks is so good at telling the story, it makes you wonder how he can come up with so many stories that haven't been told over and over and over again. I cried buckets through the last couple of chapters, it was so touching, and then, last night, I went to see the movie with John. I'm so glad that he wanted to see it with me - :-D - it made me really happy. And the movie was very good, better than the book I'd venture to say, and I am one who NEVER thinks a movie is better than its written counterpart. I'm a book person, what can I say? But yesterday, the night especially, was wonderful, in a sweetly wonderful way.

I would also like to agree with Sarah wholeheartedly about our movie -- we would do it so much better -- and for the very reason that we know the characters that we wan't to be! LOL. Well, I'm at work now, it's back to answering phones again.

YNatalieY

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

Natalie and I are going to make a movie. A Traveling Pants movie. If you havent read the books, you are seriously missing out. Here is our cast so far: Lena: Natalie Bridget (Bee) : Sarah -me Carmen: Lindsay (with lotsa makeup cuz lindsay isnt mexican!) Tibby: Baily: Natalie's sister, Nikki Krista: Liz Paul: Brian: Joe Siebelts Kostos: Eric: Tony Wilmes (i decided he would be good, natalie, dont u think?) any suggestions for the rest of the cast? lol. oh and we discovered that they are making a real movie, with alexis bledel as lena, some new girl named blake lively as bee, america ferarra as carmen, and amber tamblyn as tibby. its not comin out till june 2005 though, and i couldnt find a picture of the blake girl. hmm whatever. so in other news. my friend chelsie is here. we are about to go to walmart to buy fleese for blankets she wants to make tomorrow. so i guess i will go. i will most likely update lately. toodles. quote of the day... you can only see as far as your headlights...but that can get you through the whole trip. -its from The Second Summer of the Sisterhood. yes i know, i am obsessed. *~Sarah~*

Southern Accent!! AWWW!

Day of annoyiness, it is! heh! Well last night I had to babysit for this family who has only lived in Missouri for a little over a month! They moved here from Jackson, Mississippi! They are the most adorable family ever the mom and dad's names are Trip and Christine, they are both very cute, and talk in heavy Southern accents, using Y'all a lot, and I am called Miss Lindsay!! heh! Their house is also amazing!! Well on the ride their Trip picked me up with his little daughter Britt(...she is 5 years old and has very blond hair, and freckles, and talks with the cutest southern accent ever!!!)!!! Well Trip was trying to recruit me the whole way to their house to go to Ole Miss University! Heh, o yeah hear I come, Ole Miss!!! They also have a little baby whose name is Sadie, she is a very good baby, never cries! heh, awesome! Well Britt, Sadie, and me went on this "stroll" as they call it, for about an hour, it was fun though. And came back and watched Annie, Rugrats(Kwanzaa), and Sound of Music!! Ahhh love that movie!! What will this day be like?I wonder What will my future be?I wonder It could be so exciting To be out in the world To be free My heart should be wildly rejoicing Oh whats the matter with me? I've always longed for adventure To do the things I've never dared Now here i'm facing adventure Then why am I so scared? Oh I must stop all these doubtsAll these worries If I don't i just know i'll turn back I must dream of the things I am seeking I am seeking the courage I lack The courage to serve them with reliance Face my mistakes without defiance Show them I'm worthy And while I show them I'll show me! So! Heh song from the sound of music, what an amazing movie!! heh, wow! And I just got back from tennis to today, had to wake up early not fun! It was a tad scary too. Because it just hit me that now school will be starting in less than 2 weeks, that is extremely frightening! AAHHH! O well here we go again! ~*~Lindsay~*~

The Night That Didn't Exist

Last night was not, in fact, real. It was entirely surreal. The day itself started out normally enough. I went to Borders with my dad and then we went to lunch. This is our only "bonding" time I guess you could say, because we both like books and italian food. So that was all good, getting stocked up on books that I want to read before school starts and everything. Then I got home, changed, and went to 5 o'clock mass with Lindsay where Joe was playing the piano. Mass was craziness, because all of a sudden Father Walter broke into song and when it was over everyone started clapping for him because he won't be at St. Joe's for very much longer. It was nice though, and we didn't talk at all during the readings or homily. Afterward, James came to pick up Lindsay to go on their date. Joe and I weren't really going to follow them, even though we were pretending that we would, so we went to Dierbergs and randomly bought posterboard and markers and stuff (for no reason, I promise. We were NOT going to make posters to put on James' car). So while we were at Dierbergs, we got two calls, one from James and one from Tony. Tony was at the mall with Danielle Conley (who is so so nice) and we were going to go there, but first we went to meet James and Lindsay (on their date at Applebee's, no less) because Sara Stockdale was working there. I won't go into that, but we went there and sat at a table about 5 feet from James and Lindsay and talked to the Dominic people that worked there. It was crazy, half the time we sat there and laughed about how weird the evening was going. At one point, Mike Sexauer dropped a dish of honey mustard sauce and it flew all over a chair and the floor. They cleaned up the sauce mostly by rubbing it into the carpet and wiping it with napkins. Then, some poor family came in and sat at that table and some man sat on the chair that had had the sauce on it. YUMMY. And our waiter was crazy psycho, he laughed because I ordered chocolate cake with fudge sauce instead of a meal. So after Applebee's, we go and meet Tony and Danielle at the mall. We went to Borders (my second trip there in a day) where Joe bought the Nightmare before Christmas soundtrack. We then walked around for awhile, bought strawberry banana flavored gumballs, almost got locked in the Halloween shop, saw Rob and his sister...it was total craziness. Finally we decide to leave and go to Quick Trip to get hot cocoa. I got a Snickers ice cream bar, yummy. We saw more Dominic people there, and then went to my house where we made random posters that did not say James for President or anything like that. Then we went to Bedrock street, and pushed our way through the jungle to the next street, but James had left, so Joe dropped me off at my car and I drove home....again. Yeah. But the most memorable part of last night was when Joe said that his car smelled like fart, and he said that the old people who used to own his car haunt it and fart in it. Fart is the ugliest word in the world, by the way. But that was my crazy psychoness of a day. Afterwards I came home and read Teen Idol, by Meg Cabot. Everyone should read books by Meg Cabot. Yeah.

YNatalieY

my birthday is over...358 days till 17...

i just got home from my grandma's house about 2 hours ago. we left early saturday, thats why i didnt write then. it was fun. me and mandy got along really well, and even me and em didnt fight too much. we went bowling, then back to my grandma's house for gem city pizza and nachos. (you'd have to go to quincy and have it to know how simply amazing it is. i received (oo yea nice verb...batenhorst would be proud)some butterfly stationary (ud have to know my aunt and uncle to understand) a cute stl cardinals shirt, and a beautiful white gold saphire and diamond necklace from everyone together. i finished the 2 books natalie lent me. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and The Second Summer of the Sisterhood. They were really good, i realy enjoyed them. i cried through the last half of the second one. you know its bad when u can relate your own life to a situation in a book that is only similar in the tiniest tiniest way. but im weird like that. when i find a good book, its not just a book. its like a movie that keeps playing over and over in my head until i finish the book and the movie has an ending. god im so weird. oh well it makes sense to me. it got me thingking about a lot of things that i havent been able to just let go, and think about, you know? i just started writing stuff down. (after i snuck through my grandma's house with a flashlight and found a pad of paper and a pencil) i hadnt written stuff down in a long time. i went through a phase this past year when i thought i could write poetry. HA! looking back, and rereading everything in my precious binder, i just realize how much everything sucked. there were the occasional good comparisons and verses, but it was all the same. same stupid rhymes, same 4 line stanzas, about 4 or 5 stanzas in a poem. but last night, at like 2 in teh morning (for some reason the only time i can be the least bit open and creative is late at night. im not sure why. even when i was writing my story for lit, i always ended up at my computer at like 1 am just typing away) i found myself laying in my bed with my grandma's tiny flashlight and a pad of paper & pencil just writing and writing. i ended up with 3 pages (not notebook pages, like if you folded computer paper in half) of semi-good stuff. or maybe it sucks, hell i dont know. but i like it. it made me feel better. it doesnt rhyme. it doesnt have any sort of structure. its just senseless ramblings. i havent decided if im going to post it or not. i might, but not in this one....maybe tomorrow....god i dont know. well im gonna stop here....wow i wrote a lot. toodles. quote of the day...(this is one thing from my writing from last night, i am gonna post this cuz i like it) my tear-stained cheeks are the only witnesses to the true pain...friends of the dark...companions of the hurt... deep, isnt it? wow it looks weird all typed out on the computer screen...oh well. alright im done now. *~SaraH~*