It almost seems now, that after four long years of high school, I'm finally getting the summer I always wanted. Each year had its own drama that extended into the summer months, making it more difficult to really enjoy every minute of it, but now things have calmed in a more mature way. I feel like, at long last, people are realizing that drama isn't what they want, and we have all learned to steer clear of those who thrive on it. I don't feel like I can truly understand it all, though, until I review all the things that happened in the past that led to this moment.
Freshman year was the first true Year of John, in which I spent most of my time with him and the rest of it talking about him. I might have been hard to deal with, neglecting my friends and harping on about my perfect senior boyfriend, when in reality I should have been spending more time experiencing my freshman year. I skipped so many things (the opening mixer, the winter dance, etc) because I had "better things to do," growing up too fast, maybe, for my own good. Things got worse as summer came nearer (a disastrous prom comes to mind), and then I was off to Europe with my family and pining for my boyfriend, again. We fought a lot, in those days, and it was my own personal drama that I couldn't remove myself from because where would I go? To Elly and Cara, whom I loved, but felt like I desperately needed to impress? To Katie, who I had sooooo much fun with but who always seemed to be busy? To Lindsay, who was still in her quiet phase and thought I didn't like her?
And then sophomore year, the second Year of John, peppered with Too Much Chemistry, friendship with the incomparable Joe Siebelts, and too many breakups to count, arrived. There was the ready made Group that I was welcomed into and grew to enjoy immensely, along with the fun Hello, Dolly! gang (Matt, Lauren, Jake, Sara, and Phil) that were so nice to little sophomore me. There was the messy Tim-Lindsay-Leslie triangle that effectively ended badly, with me being a total jerk to Leslie and Lindsay and Tim getting together sometime after he and Leslie broke up. There was Joe Romine's split from Sara Smith, which was also pretty messy. And there was another big breakup for me, that trailed into the summer; we were reunited in July after my vacation and a revealing 4th of July that clued everyone besides me into Joe Romine's true feelings. There were letters that expressed anger and petty internet conversations and long blog entries with pointed digs. There was cheerleading camp and the inclusion of Sarah Paulus, the creation of this very blog, and the consumption of many Kit-Kats and giant Goldfish. The Group was split down the middle in a most unusual way, with Tony hanging out with new love Danielle, and a huge rift between the others that involved much crying and internal cursing.
Junior year, in which the first Year of Joe began, was, for me, almost perfect when it began. There was the breakup with John, the final one, that sucked, but then a new beginning (with Sarah and Lindsay and Liz watching from the window) with my Joey. There was my favorite homecoming, with me and Joey and Lindsay and Tim and Sarah and Jeff and Joe Siebelts and Dana, who came into town especially for the event. Everyone took it for granted that we would hang out every single weekend, even doing things after school when we didn't have too much homework, and although the occasional fight cropped up, we were fine until almost the end of the year. Then there was the tension between Tim and Joe S, and Tim being a jerk to my Joey, and Tony and Danielle's split that led to the frienship of Joe Siebelts and Matt and Danielle, even though Matt and Danielle were more than friends. Then summer, which began promisingly enough with a girlfriend's trip to see The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and a campout in Lindsay's backyard that involved cake, and ended in coldness when I was off to beloved Harvard. Joey came to see me, but I pretty much had little contact with everyone else, which was evident when I returned to school in late August completely out of the loop. There had been bitterness towards our awesome Joe Siebelts for his new friends and activities and a reuniting with Leslie, among other things. We felt animosity for one another for reasons that I do not understand, which lasted for a surprisingly long amount of time because we never talked about it.
Senior year began with that animosity and carried it for awhile. Tim and Lindsay split right around my birthday, Joe and I celebrated our one year anniversary, and I got mono, which kept me out for virtually half the year. I remember Lindsay calling once to see how I was, which made me feel better, and Katie called a lot which made me feel good, too. Then there was spring, the musical with Liz, Rob, Brian, Elly, Joe Siebelts, and Danielle, and the final transition into the summer I am now experiencing.
And what, after all that crazy drama and such, is so great about this summer? Everything. Joe works a lot, but I still see him more than I did last summer, and we went to caves and we watch movies and we go out to eat. I see Lindsay and Leslie and Joe Siebelts and now Sean, and we go to the Muny (even when it sucks) and tease my Joey at Macaroni Grill and get fountain drinks from Mobil. There's acting like little kids, Simon Says and Pictionary, which doesn't even bother us at all. There's Ireland with Bridget, and pubs and cliffs and driving on the wrong side of the road. There's eating a cake right out of the pan and dying our hair (and Rob's) and being too afraid to watch The Exorcist. Hanging out with my sister, going to see Pirates of the Caribbean 2 with her dressed in costumes. Talking to my favorite cousin about New York, and Fordham, and what kind of bedding we want in our dorm room. Reading as many books as I want, and writing whenever I please. Thinking. Planning. Doing. Being. It's all so simple because we are letting it be so. There is no bitterness, no restraint of telling how we feel. I feel happy for this summer, and lucky for it, and hope that, just maybe, I'll be able to say this about next year's.
