Ghosts.

I thought i could handle it. i really thought i could do it. but i realize now that that was impossible. first day of school was today. yeehaw. i tried so hard to forget everything, but i cant do it. the school is full of ghosts. ghosts of memories that as hard as i try, there is no way i will ever be able to forget them. they are permanantly burned into my brain. and as much as it hurts, i really dont think that i want to. i have learned so much through those experiences, as i have previously dragged on about. its all so hard. everything in my life is leaving. or at least changing in some way. and changes are good, i suppose, they leave open room for growth (and we have gone on and on about that as well.) from 5-7 today i just layed in my room with my music and my thoughts. i made it halfway through savage garden, but that wasnt helping, and then i moved on to yellowcard, and for some reason that worked miracles. it allowed me to just let everything go. and i hate crying, but sometimes its the only therapy. im not over it all that fast. dana is still not here, and there is still nothing we can do about it. there will be so many more days of this, i cant even count but i know they'll be there. some will be better, some will be worse. and i had so much more to complain and cry and whine about, but when i sat down earlier to write this, i was interrupted to go to walmart to get school supplies -eh- and some of the tension has eased, so im gonna leave it at this. but i cant help but think that the things i cant find the words to say to anyone, i can post on the internet for who knows how many to read. weird. no quote seems adequate, but this song sums it all up... Call me out You stayed inside One you love Is where you hide Shot me down as I flew by Crash and burn I think sometimes you forget where the heart is Answer no to these questions Let [it] go, learn a lesson It's not me, you're not listening now Can't you see something's missing? You forget where the heart is Take you away from that empty apartment You stay and forget where the heart is Someday if ever you love me you'd say it's okay Waking up from this nightmare How's your life, what's it like there? Is it all what you want it to be? Does it hurt when you think about me? And how broken my heart is Take you away from that empty apartment You stay and forget where the heart is Someday if ever you love me you'd say it's okay It's okay to be angry and never let go It only gets harder the more that you know When you get lonely if no one's around You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down We came together but you left alone And I know how it feels to walk out on your own Maybe someday I will see you again And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend Take you away from that empty apartment You stay and forget where the heart is Someday if ever you love me you'd say its okay It's okay It's okay isnt yellowcard amazing? -sarah