I Hate Columbia.

So, Tim and I just got in this huge fight which, like always, left my bawling my eyes out and blogging. Wonderful. He says I threw a hissy fit. I say I was just frustrated with this whole long distance thing. (I know you all know what I'm talking about. And I feel like such a baby complaining because I am the closest of all of us, and I think I complain the most. I am sorry.) He took it as I was yelling at him. I wasn't. Here's the deal: I was supposed to stay in Columbia this weekend because I had this training day thing for Peer Mediators, this club I joined. He had to go home because he had a judge's certification for Sports Acro. He wanted me to go home with him, but I couldn't because of the training day. I wanted him to stop by Columbia on his way back to Central, but he said he couldn't because he was driving two of his friends home. I tried to convince him to stop by anyway and that we could all hang out. I wouldn't care, as long as I got to see him. This is what he took as the hissy fit. (He had only told me about driving one friend until today, so I hadn't thought it would be that big of a deal.) So we got into this last night, but then he had to go and called me back after I had fallen asleep, and we didnt' talk until this morning. This morning when I called to see what time he got done with the judging thing (because I was going to drive home to see him) he had locked his keys in the car and was even MORE pissed off than last night (mostly because of the keys, but nonetheless it seemed to be taken out on me) Anyway, we started arguing more about my supposed hissy-fit and how every time we get to see each other it's on my terms. Which, I guess, is kinda true, but it's only been that way because I've had more stuff I had to do. It's not like I was doing it on purpose. Oh, and he said that he doesn't even care if he gets to see me. It doesn't matter to him. That was the cherry on top. So now I'm stuck in Columbia until next weekend, with a roommate who just ignores me when I cry because she can't relate to any one else's problems, and a boyfriend that doesn't even care if he sees me. I just want to be with people who care about me. I know I probably sound like the world's biggeset martyr right now, but I really hate it here and I don't want to be here. I miss everyone so much.

NO!

Lindsay, you are NOT a bother to anyone!!! NEVER EVER THINK THAT!!! We love you too much, you are never a bother. Is everything ok? Call me if you need anything! I love you!!! -Sarah

Bother?

AM I A BOTHER FOR PEOPLE???? (because sometimes I sure feel like some big annoyance....) LINDSAY

I Ate Sushi Yesterday and Kristen Cried

Sushi is totally one of the yummiest things ever. You wouldn't expect it to be, you might even dislike it the first time you try it, but it is absolutely A-Mazing. Even writing about it right now makes me want to go to the Millenium Grill and get some. Kristen's squeals of horror aren't a bad side effect, either. I made her try some earlier in the year, and she pretty much gagged, but she had a horrible attitude going into the tasting of it, so por su-DUH she didn't like it. Attitude is key. Trust me. I could be freaking out right now because, as the editor for the features section of The Ram, I currently have no one to write any of the articles for the week's issue, but I'm totally handling it really well. Seriously. I'm not even crying yet.

Anywho, I haven't even read the blog for awhile, so I am going to do that right after I post this. Love you all, miss you all.

Natalie

Chocolate is comfort....but I hate it!

I want to write a blog but there are so many directions to go that I can't seem to find a good place to start. That seems to be the problem lately though. I can't figure myself out. I feel like I am pushing away the people that I love and care about the most, only to trade them in for those who I have previously worked so hard at pushing away. In trying to hurt the people I love, I am only hurting myself more. I find myself dwelling on past things that were beyond my control, things that I swore to forget about. The more I try to forget about these things, the more I develope bitter feelings about them, which in turn sends my emotions whirling in every direction. I can never seem to find a happy median in my moods lately. As for another thing, I find myself regreting past actions and decisions I have made towards some of my best friends, and those same friends are so willing to forgive and forget, making me feel grateful for such amazing friends, but so guilty for treating them in such undeserving ways.

UnWelcome Back

Natalie, I'm so glad you had a good time on your cruise. I miss you (and Leslie and Lindsay() soo much. In other news, in case I hadn't made this clear already, I REALLY REALLY REALLY HATE MIZZOU. Ok, that's all. I'm finally back, and I hate it already. Howe pathetic is that? Whatever. One semester and I am out of here forever. Thank God.

UnWelcome Back

Natalie, I'm so glad you had a good time on your cruise. I miss you (and Leslie and Lindsay() soo much. In other news, in case I hadn't made this clear already, I REALLY REALLY REALLY HATE MIZZOU. Ok, that's all. I'm finally back, and I hate it already. Howe pathetic is that? Whatever. One semester and I am out of here forever. Thank God.

jAmAiCa

I'm back at school, lounging on my bunk and wishing that school didn't have to start. I'm also wondering if I made the right choice, diving into the Ram Features editorship as I did. I'm such a lazy person sometimes, but the truth is, I'm getting a little worried about being over-stressed. One more semester until freshman year of college is over. Isn't that ridiculous?

I had the most wonderful time on the cruise! Jamaica, the Cayman Islands, the Bahamas...our trip to Cozumel, Mexico was cancelled because of "unfavorable weather conditions," but everything else was absolutely amazing. It's kind of a let down being back in my dorm, especially since I'll be here for forever and ever. That means countless flip-flopped showers, a virtual parade of bad food, and lots of annoying encounters with would-be sorority girls, if we actually had sororities on campus. Puh it!

Sarah, I've just been reading over your last two posts, and I'm sorry for how you felt before, and glad that things seem to be working themselves out. I miss you!

Stress Be Gone

So, I toured Maryville today. It is absolutely 100% amazing, and I am in love with it. I cannot wait until next fall. The admissions guy was awesome, I randomly met the dean of students in the cafeteria, and he was super cool--his daughter's name is Sarah also, and we decided that it is better with the "H" :)-- the campus is beautiful, they are accepting ALL of my credits (including the 10 hours of Spanish from high school that Mizzou wouldn't take), and I will most likely be able to cheer! It is perfect. Also, it's not too far from my house, the classes are small (average at about 15 people!), and no TA's teach, only professors! It's a little bit more expensive, but with the 10 Spanish hours and all of the classes I'm taking this semester, I only have 4 Gen Eds left! (and I can take those over the summer so it's cheaper) And I'll problably get more scholarship/grant money (on top of the automatic $6,500 I get because of my GPA and ACT scores) because it's a private school. How absolutely amazing is that? Gosh, I love it so much. I cannot even wait. I just want this next semester to be over with so I can be home, have a wonderful summer, and then start back at school! I'm almost more excited for next fall than I am the summer! Oh, and I talked to Kathy today, and she said we have to wait for Leebs to officially submit his retirement, and then we can try and get me on as the Freshman or JV coach! Ahh I am soo excited! A school I like, plus a double dose of cheerleading, plus Tim and me living in the same city! Everything is falling into place! Finally, I feel as if all of the stress from the past two weeks has just been lifted, and I can just relax because I know what I am doing--at least for the next 10 months! Oh, and I bought (and finished) The fourth sisterhood book, and it is sooooo good!!!! A little predictable, but they all pretty much are, and it is incredible nonetheless! Everything ends up the way it should--it all fits together really well. And Bee is still my favorite character, as crazy as she may be. I get to be her. I call it. :) And Carmen is still the most annoying one. Well, in this book anyway. She wasn't so bad in the last one. Ah I love it. I need to read it again. Okay, I'm out for today. Just wanted to update on my situation. Thank God it's all taken care of now! Oh, and in case anyone reads this soon, there is a 13 year old boy missing from Franklin county, and authorities think he may have been kidnapped (he disappeared Monday around 4:30ish) Keep him in your prayers! As well as Tim's grandma, she had surgery yesterday. I love you all! -Sarah

Scared. Confused. That's basically it.

As un-eloquent as this sounds, I am SCARED. I don't like Mizzou. Let's face it---I REALLY don't like it. I've realized this after being home for three weeks and not missing it a single bit. I am quite content in my own room with my own bathroom surrounded by my family and friends and everyone that I love. I have no desire to go back to school. I've been struggling this past semester with what I want to major in, and I'm really scared about making the final decision. I've known (or at least, thought I'd known) what I wanted to do since seventh grade. I thought I was lucky. However, now I'm not so sure. The decision made in my 12-year-old brain came from a desire to be glamourous and rich and famous. Now, my 18-year-old brain is not quite sure that that's a solid enough foundation to base a career choice on. Being wealthy would be nice, but it definatley isn't a primary factor. And now that I've questioned that decision, I've realized I don't have to go back to Mizzou. Plenty of schools have amazing education programs. (Can't you just picture me as a high school English teacher? -and cheer coach? heehee) I didn't want to go to Mizzou in the first place--I wanted the journalism school. And now that I don't really want the journalism school, I don't have to have Mizzou. I'm not homesick--I like being on my own. I just don't like my school. However, I don't want to go to another school in another city where I won't know anyone. Also, and I know this isn't a good reason to base a decision on, but oh well--Tim is probalby coming home, and I don't want to be even farther away from him. Let me clarify--I'm NOT moving home for him. It's simply a bonus. Also, I'm scared of being a failure. I'm afraid that if I move home, I will be failing. I'm not sure what, but it would just be something I couldn't do. My family was so proud of me for moving out and being on my own and succeeding in school. If I move home, I think I'd be disappointing them. As for the decision to drop journalism, like I said before, I'm just not sure if it's want I want. When I decided on it in seventh grade, it just sort of stuck. I never really thought about doing anything else. But I've definately grown up since seventh grade. I'm not the same person anymore; I have different dreams and goals. For example, I want to be a mom and a wife and take care of my family. I want to be just as good as my mom is. However, I don't think I could fully commit to that if I'm constantly chasing a story or working on project. Also, journalism isn't as flashy and glamourous as I had thought when I was 12. Not everything is Entertainment Tonight or E! News. It's so...well, newsy. Oh, and another thing, (not that this is a full reason to move home--just another bonus) If I do come back, I could 1. possibly cheer for whatever school I chose and 2. coach at dominic! I could have my very own squad!! I would love that soo much. Ahhh so much to think about. I am going crazy. Any help/advice/tips would be much appreciated. In other news, I love you all very much, and I hope you all had a great Christmas and New Year's!!

The NEW Year

As many people, I too make new years resolutions year after year....and year after year I find that more often than not they do not reach completion. Therefore, this year I decided to make some promises to myself. After deep thought on the year past, I have come to find that there are many things about last year that I would love to make an improvement on in the year to come.... 1. Enjoy life as it is meant to be enjoyed. (a.k.a. I am an eighteen year old who for several years now has wished to be older with more responsibility and more freedom. However in recent days after much thought, I have decided that 1. I am allowed to make stupid decisions. 2. I dont need to know my exact future. for god sakes I am eighteen. 3. If I feel like getting wasted off my ass....well for god sakes I am going to do it. 4. Laugh often 5. Hold no grudges against those who might not understand me 6. Always remember to be open minded. Many people are different than me and have other opinions on issues than what I might have. These people can help me to grow and learn not only about myself, but also about the world.) 2. Trust myself (I have realized that in the past year, many times I have not followed my gut instinct. I need to trust myself, and believe in myself above all things. I know I can succeed. and now I need to believe that) 3. Love. Above all other things, I need to learn to love. I have always prided myself on the ability to give my heart fully to others. However, in past recent months I have found that I have grown timid in offering my love to others. Some could say that I have had past encounters with love that have not turned out; however, I do not fully rest the blame upon past relationships. Much of the problem is my own. 4. Let others get to know ME. I am talking about the real me........stubborn, hard headed, sarcastic, intelligent, a bitch, caring, kind, thoughtful. I will be ME, and no one else. 5. Strengthen relationships. Not only with friends, but with my family, and with my boyfriend. LIVE LIFE IN THE MOMENT......that above all things is what I promise myself. LOVE, lindsay