Something Worth Reading

I feel like everything that I've been writing these past few months is just going to amount to a lot of crap. I used to get the feeling, after writing, that I'd just produced something that was intrinsically good. I felt it, even when I read it over to myself out loud, and I liked it. It wasn't like looking at photographs of myself (which I do not enjoy), it was like creating something that I could enjoy, even though I'd done it myself. And I loved it. And now, it's almost as if nothing is coming together anymore. Nothing looks or sounds good, and nothing makes sense. It's all just a mess. And for what? Nine pages? Oh, excellent. I'd do much better to concentrate on all the fluff that's out now. If only I didn't know exactly what I want written.

I have been taking a few breaks to read the book by Sarah Dessen that Lindsay loaned me. Just Listen, apparently new. Definitely intense. I want my writing to be intense, too, just not in the same way. You know how some people say that nothing ever really happens to the main character, but to the minor characters that surround him or her? It just seems kind of true based on what I've been reading lately, but I don't want it to be true of what I write. I want my main character to actually feel something, and not vicariously.

I want reality, and something worth reading.

In-Between-Time

Summer is basically amazing, but I'm guessing I'm not the only person who feels that way. I just got back from Ireland with Bridget, and let me tell you -- it was completely amazing, and I'm so glad I got the opportunity to do something so wonderful. I like knowing that I'm living my life right now as opposed to waiting until I'm old and retired. It just seems like a waste if I don't try the things I want to do right this moment. My life is now. I don't want to regret not trying things and not doing things. I don't want to be bitter when I'm older. I want to have a huge treasure chest of stories to tell that I'm proud to call my own. I'm excited to be starting that right now.

It's almost like we're in that in between time, where one part of life has ceased and we're pretty much just hanging around and waiting for the next branch to begin. I like it here; I feel calm and relaxed, not nearly as rushed or anxious as I thought I'd feel. I expect that that will all change soon enough, as June turns into July and then to August. But, as of now, I'm not totally terrified. Yet. I'm ready to enjoy my summer along with all of the friends that I already miss not seeing everyday. That comfort level is gone, but with it has gone the fact that we do not have to wait much longer for the "big stuff." I sure like this part of my life. It feels very real, and I really like that.