Over It

I am in a ditch, and i cant get out. most of the people who are reading this are probably sick of me writing about this, but i cant help it, its a big part of my life. i just cant stop thinking about the whole jake thing. i have no idea why. i should be over it by now, right? i mean its been almost two months. i dont do this; i dont get hung up on things for long periods of time. the only time thats happened before was with the whole josh thing from 7th till end of 9th grade. and dont even get me started on (those that know me know what im talking about) and that was just because i was nieve and seeing things that werent there. but this WAS here. it was right in front of my face, right in my own hands. and i cant forget it. i just find myself thinking everyday about him, and everything that happened throughout may, june, and the very beginning of july. maybe its because i havent gotten a letter, and im just searching for a sense of closure? something that will tell me that it really truly is gone(or maybe give me hope for a future?)? or maybe its because ive never had anything like that before and i cant let it go, for fear that it will never happen again? and i know thats stupid, but i cant help it. im just so lost all the time. i feel like im living in limbo. its a feeling quite common in my life, and i dont like it. one would think id be used to it by now, but you never get used to it. you're always searching for more, for one more answer, for something solid to rest your feet on. mrs potthast used a good analogy today in lit. she said that earthquakes are so unsettling because its the actualy ground beneath our feet, the foundation for everything, and its wavering and behaving in unusual, dangerous ways. (and ok, so she was talking about native american literature, but it works here) i need something solid, something to stand up on and just be ok, and i cant find it. i feel like theres so much more i need to say, but i have to go now cuz i have training at walgreens at 5:00, and i gotta get ready. blah. ill most likely be back later. quote... this is from krissy to me. she wrote it for me. and im sorry krissy, i didnt make the post dedicated to u like i said i would, but i just needed to get this off my chest. i will do it, i promise. thank you for always being there for me. you are something steady in my life. ok so neway heres the quote: its the tough heart, that, when upon the rare decision to unharden itself, becomes the most fragile and beautiful of all. you are beautiful. i heart krissy wilmes!!!! -sarah ps, natalie, i just realized the title of my post is that song by that redhead from disney channel...wow thats weird...