Understanding

Um... I just want to scream and shout, and roll in a humungous field of flowers.... -Lindsay

I'm afraid that I might regret writing what I'm about to write right now. I felt a bit guilty after reading Lindsay's blog last night...I've felt slightly angry at her for the past couple days because when she will even pay any attention to me at all, its all negative...and I didn't know that she was feeling sad like that. Now, I don't feel guilty anymore because of the following reasons. The only reason I've ever been upset when Lindsay and Joe S aren't happy is because it makes me feel that no matter what I do or how hard I try, they would still rather things be like they were last year. No matter how much I try to be a good friend, they would rather it be someone else instead of me. That fact upsets me often, and when it does upset me, it upsets me a lot. But, unlike other people, I don't take out my sadness or anger on unsuspecting innocents. And it's not like no one else has ever felt lost or alone. I know that everyone has lost friends. That is probably one of the hardest things that a person has to face in life. I'm so amazingly sorry that you had to go through what you did...I was there...I saw it. But I've lost a soulmate. Not just a friend. No one else can ever even think that they know what that feels like. I've been broken for a long time, but I don't have to show it to everyone. I carry around pain everyday, but I don't take it out on my friends for no reason. I know now that happiness isn't just thrown into your lap...you have to make it. God I sound like a fortune cookie. I hate when people do that, and now I am. Puh, hatred of the world. I am very angry right now. I hate feeling like whatever I do, however hard I try, I can never make things right between anyone. No one's happy. They aren't happy because they won't let themselves be. Natalie

Thank You.

Thank you everyone who posted a comment in my last entry. It means a whole heck of a lot. Actually I just re-read my post and what I wrote is all 100% true, but it makes me sound so uber-duper depressed. Just to clarify for everyone. I'm not. Heh. So yeah. I'm off to sleep, and dream. (....and finish watching the Rams get their asses kicked) -Lindsay Thanks Joe and Sarah for the comments they mean a lot, to know you care. And John thank you so much, it means a whole lot coming from you. I know I have never really talked to you. And boy have I heard a lot about you. I hope the best for you. And thank you so much.

wow lindsay...read my comment, ok? i dont even know where to go....things are...good right now. first time in a long time, but theres definately a real smile on my face this time. im mailing my first letter to jake tomorrow. (well the first since i got his florida address) so im just crossing my fingers that he writes back. and not because i need it, but because i want it. ok that was phrased badly. forget i said it. i just want a friendship with him really badly. i know there is no possible way for anything more, and thats fine- im completely ok with that. but i want a friendship. him being in my life was awesome, and i dont want to lose that. i want to keep talking and stay close? connected? hell i dont know. but stay talking. i dont want it to just dissapear. on a slightly less serious note. this weather is reeking (reaking?) havoc on my skin. its sooo dry and i hate it. im slathering moisturizer on as we speak. ok maybe not. but i will be, as soon as i go upstairs to go to sleep. i love snow (well, to an extent..when i dont have to drive in it)and love xmas, and especially when those two are put together. and i even love the winter clothes. scarves and cute jeans and fun tops and jackets. fuun stuff. but sometimes its just too much, and the coldness sucks, and i wanna rip out the miniskirts and get a tan. ya know? lol MAN i am such a girl. so yeah. i want to invent a machine where i can control the weather, you know, like on that one stupid disney movie? ok moving on... not really im kind of done... so thats it. good night! heres a quote i put in the comment to lindsay...i know its kind of like, 'well duh' but i kind of like it... i would rather live in a good that's sometimes bad, than a bad that's never good. *~SaraH~*

Not content.

Sadly this is how I feel. I'm not content. I'm not content with almost any aspect of my life. Okay sorry I am very content with how my relationship with my family is right now. It is amazing. One big humungo argument with my mom about a month ago, calmed things down with me and her. One final blow, hopefully, from the both of us. I see that she now respects me for who I am, and I now will let her see who I have become. So thats an exciting new happening for myself at home. But...I'm not content with who I am and what I am doing with myself outside of my family. I am not content. I feel like I am doing all of the wrong things with my life. Ask me what I might think that I am doing wrong? I have no clue. I just know it doesnt feel right. What I do on the weekends, I dont feel like I should be doing. I am not content. I hate it. But what should I do? I have not a clue. I beleive my eyes were opened to my discontent with our lovely conversation with Rob at Imo's that Sunday night. I finally had to confront myself that night with many tears and memories, and that night after a long talk with Tim, I realized I am not content. I am not. Ahhh I hate it and wish that I could just stop all of these crazy feelings I have inside, and just scream. But at last, I am still the same me week after week, just wishing something will just pop right out and tell me what I am doing thats wrong. I am not content and I do not like it. The really bad thing is that about a year ago this time, I felt like nothing in the world could go wrong. I felt like I was on top of the world looking down. I felt I had made life long friendships and was so content with my little outings to josephville. Oh it was so exciting. A life with wonderful friends. I loved it. And better yet, I was happy with my life. But here, a year later, I find myself in a very different position. With many of the same great friends ( and a few new ones :) ) But yet I have lost some. I have lost some people who were a great part of me last year. They were my life. And a year later, they are not. So maybe I suppose I am still healing in some sort of way. But someone tell me how someone who was a MAJOR part of your life for so long, could all of a sudden with the snap of a finger be gone. No longer in your life, and snatched right out from underneath you? Eh, I am still searching for the answer. It sucks. Eh I cant explain it, puh. heh. But I find a void in my life, that I for a long time have been reluctant to fill. I dont know quite yet how to fill it, but for that matter if I even want to take that risk. I want to be completely happy. I want to feel the joy of friends, and happiness. But right now I do not. Now dont get me wrong, I am not saying that I hate all of my friends. Because thats so not true I love them all, and I love being with them. I just dont know whats going on right now with me. And Tim makes me so happy :), and so do the rest of my friends. He knows that. And I thank him for always sticking by my side through all of this craziness. But I dont know. I need something really really really bad. -Lindsay P.S. So please everyone this is how I have been feeling for sometime now. I truly dont mean to hurt anyone by this post. But it's me. And I am sorry if I have pulled away from anyone, not talking as much or so forth. But thats what I feel I have to do. I know everyone has major issues going on in their lives right now, and I want to be there for you guys. But I find myself wrapped up in an issue of my own. MYSELF. I have become an issue. Great. HEH. So I am just apologizing now if sometimes I look dazed and confused and upset at school: this is the reason.

Things Are About to Get Messy

Schoolwise, mostly. I don't have much homework tonight, but I have an enormous history paper due Friday which I really need to get working on, and most likely a pre-cal quiz (ick), and the first Dominic basketball game at Lutheran is on Thursday night, which pretty much prevents me from doing much work, or studying.Eh but I feel like being lazy...I really want to. I think that I might take tonight off, but really get working on things tomorrow night and on Wednesday. I'm planning to do the majority of my history paper tomorrow, first in study hall, then after school. Eh procrastination, although initially fun, does not pay off in the long run.

To make things worse, exams are right down the road. Ick. I don't know what to expect for them much this year. I hope that there won't be too many hard ones, but...we shall see.

I'm sorry if I've seemed irritable lately. Way too many things are going on, things that take up all of my thought and yet I despise thinking about. So forgive me if I seem to be in another world sometimes.

Yeah dinner time...

Peace, love, and eating Snickers ice cream in the car (while freezing!)

YNatalieY

Heart don't fail me now...Courage don't desert me...

Heart, don't fail me now! Courage, don't desert me! Don't turn back now that we're here People always say Life is full of choices No one ever mentions fear! Or how a road can seem so long How the world can seem so vast Courage see me through Heart I'm trusting you... Somewhere down this road I know someone's waiting Years of dreams just can't be wrong Arms will open wide I'll be safe and wanted Fin'lly home where I belong Well, starting here, my life begins Starting now, I'm learning fast Courage see me through Heart I'm trusting you One step at a time, One hope, then another Who knows where this road may go Back to who I was On to find my future, Things my heart still needs to know Yes, let this be a sign! Let this road be mine! Let it lead me to my past Courage see me through Heart I'm trusting you To bring me home...

-Lindsay

This is me expressing my emotions...

=) im so happy...wow i cant even describe it. who knew in one night everything could be re-affirmed? ...i only hope it doesnt come crashing down around me...

wow im really suprised blogger is letting me post this. its been against me for the past couple of days and i havent been able to update. so i had to display my thoughts elsewhere...some of you know what that means....ahhh crytic-ness. lol. ok moving on. my thanksgiving was good. my grandparents crack me up. my grandma is probably the most direction-giving person in the world, and yet she's just her, so u gotta love her. lol does that make sense? and my grandpa's just like, 'yeah whatever' which i suppose he'd have to be, after being married to my grandma for some 50-odd years. so yeah. and oh man the food....it has to be said- yeah food. oh and my grandpa said 'yay god'. i am completely serious. it was the most random thing all day, and i was dying. it was soo funny. he was reciting some poem/prayer thing, and 'yay god' was at the end. it was awesome. i think i am bi-polar sometimes. i really do. one moment im extremely satisfied, and the next moment i am on the verge of tears. and hey, maybe its cuz im a teenage girl. who knows. but it's extremely annoying. so yeah. im not really sure what else to write...i had tons to write in the last two days, but would blogger let me do it, noooo of course not. so oh well. this update will do. *~SaraH~*

Life is Throwing Rocks at My Head

I really don't know where that title came from, but oh well. It is definitely how I feel at the moment. I'm afraid that most people won't understand much of this entry, but that is how it is supposed to be. I am about to attempt to vent without pointing fingers or naming names, a fact that just goes to show more about the censored-ness of the blog. No. Maybe I just really don't want anyone to know what I'm talking about. Yeah. Meh, well, here goes. I cannot handle ultimatums. I physically cannot. They trigger some sort of rebellious, "I don't have to choose just because you tell me to" thing in my brain, and I choose the opposite choice that the person giving me the ultimatum wants me to choose. For instance, if one of the meanie cheer coaches told me that I had to choose between cheerleading and being in the play, cheerleading would be chucked out the window in a heartbeat. Such is the way with my current ultimatum...I resent the fact that I am being forced to choose sooooo much that I'm afraid I may let my anger and resentment get in the way of my choices. Just know how much I resent being forced to make a decision. Know that if you ever try to make me do something, I will most likely choose to do the opposite thing just because of how amazingly angry I am. Just know that. Natalie

Crazy Blizzard

It must be said that yesterday was one of the craziest days ever. I arrived at school early for Student Council, all dressed up for mass, and ready for a pleasant day. It was slightly rainy, so instead of wearing my leather jacket into school, which would've fit better with my church outfit, I wore Joe's hoodie. Lucky me, in the long run. We were only supposed to be at school until 11:30 -- twenty-five minute classes, with mass at the beginning of the day. We ended up getting out of school at about 11:15 because of the constant snowfall...seniors were dismissed first, then juniors, and so on. Well...getting out of the Dominic parking lot was hell, to tell the truth. Utter chaos. First, I had to deal with getting all the snow off of my windows...a continuous process, since as soon as the snow was wiped away on one window, more had fallen on another and it had to be wiped clean again...and the fact that no one was making any progress hindered the whole "leaving school" thing. Joe finally got out to take his brother home, but I decided to wait until the parking lot had cleared to leave so I went and sat in James' car with Lindsay and Joe S. Ha what an interesting time. There was some talk of ordering a pizza to be delivered to the car, or of going up to school and waiting for the snow to ease up. Finally, we decided that getting home before being snowed in at school was the best idea...Joe offered to take me home, but the idea of having to return to pick up my car was not very appealing, so I decided to try to drive myself home. I will admit here what an utterly stupid decision this was on my part. I know that my car is not built equipped to withstand this kind of snow...yeah back wheel drive...but stubbornly, I decided to try to get home anyway. Three minutes into my drive through the neighborhood adjacent to Dominic and my car was stuck in the snow. Great... So Joe S and Nathan helped push my car to the side of the road, Lindsay got into my car with me to keep me company, and Mrs. House came up to my car and suggested that we take it back to Dominic and have Joe take me home. I agreed, so I followed her to the service road on our way back to the school. Yes, well, here is where my first spurt of amazingly bad luck appeared. I was about 20 feet behind Mrs. House's SUV when I began to brake. Brake....brake...brake...."No, thank you," my brakes replied. "We don't especially want to work right now...we want you to plow into Mrs. House's car." So...that is what happened. Thank you, brakes. You are so kind. After determining that the only damage done was to my own car, we pulled my car into the Child's Tire Michelin dealer off of the service road to wait for Joe S and Nathan to pick Lindsay and me up. Mrs. Roettger, God bless her, was in one of the many cars who had been backed up behind me; she thought I was panicking and kept telling me to calm down. I was hysterical...hysterical with laughter...but truthfully, the only thing that makes me panic is schoolwork. The situation struck me as completely hilarious. Lindsay and I went inside the Michelin tire place to keep warm, as my heater seemed to have joined forces with my brakes in deciding to rebel against my wishes of actually working. While inside, we saw Mr. Fitzler, who stopped long enough to wish us a Happy Thanksgiving. LOL what a day it was turning out to be... Finally, Joe's car arrived in the Michelin parking lot to pick up Lindsay and me. I am so grateful that I was wearing Joe's hoodie...it may have been soaking wet, but it was so much warmer than anything else I could have worn...and Joe S also said how his mom made him bring his coat to school, and he was so sure that he wouldnt need it, but brought it anyway. Funny how things work out that way. The best part of the day occurred as we were leaving the parking lot. We couldn't really see the entrance to the lot...so...Joe kind of drove over the grass to get to the street. It was so funny. We crept along at a snail's pace to get home...I swear, I think it was the first time that anyone actually went the speed limit on the overpass...but finally, we arrived at Nathan's house to drop him off. As we were driving home, James and Joe called us at different times...Joe, who had left probably an hour before us, had just gotten home, and James was still stuck in traffic on the service road. Sheesh. Joe got me home safely, and after saying that he wasn't home yet so there was still plenty of time for death to occur, he left to take Lindsay home. The day was utterly crazy. I slept for a couple of hours, woke up with a slight headache, and had to go pick up my dented car from the Michelin place. Sigh...I still think the entire day was hysterical... Later, my grandmother and uncle arrived from Ohio. I'm really excited for tonight because more of my family will be here. Last night was amazing. Watched Shrek 2...smiled a lot...got text messages at two in the morning, that kind of thing...a good day. Well, it's 12:12 and time to eat breakfast...such is the way of my family. Happy Thanksgiving everybody! Peace, love, and in honor of Ellen -- MASHED POTATOES!! YNatalieY

"live from emotion to emotion. express what needs to be expressed at that moment, because you'll never know what could have happened if you didnt." one 28 minute phone call...priceless... exactly 24 hours ago...

History class.

Well I'm sitting in history class right now blogging. Because of course there is nothing else to do. Tim is sitting next to me looking at grades and Romine playing music videos on his computer. IT is very nast outside and puh. because i'm starving and really want some yummy food without going in the nasty weather. We only have 25 minute classes today and get out at 11:30. yeah no school. Heh and then I am going up to my grandmas house in Springfield, Illinois. So I'm excited. It should be fun. I love going to my grandmas house. Yeah Grandma's house. I hope this weekend is fun. I hope everyone has a good thanksgiving. I'm out. History is boring. -Lindsay

Jake

I talked to Jake. He called me. On the phone. From Florida. so hold on a sec... OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG ok. so my cell phone rings and i go to answer it, and i dont recognize the number. i thought it was probably someone calling me to prank me, or someone i didnt know, or a friend on a different number. so i answer it, and its a guy, and i kinda recognized the voice, but it didnt really register. this is how it went: me: hello? him: sarah? me: yeah... him: do you know who this is? me: no...who is it? him: would you believe it if i said it as jake? me: what? huh? OH MY GOD! and so we talked. and i told him what i have been up to, and he told me how hurricanes suck. and he's coming back december 18. and we're gonna hang out. and he said how he's gonna come to school and see everyone and i said to come to lit with potthast and he's like noo. and i told him (i have no idea how but i did) how i wrote a paper about him. and how everything screwed me up for so long. and he was like WHAT and i told him about that and how much it hurt and just everything. and i asked him if there was something there, and what could have happened. and he told me that there was, and if he hadnt left that we could have been together for a long time. and he said that before he left, he tried so hard not to have any attatchments, and to cut off anything that could hurt and hold him back. and thats why he didnt write or anything. i got answeres to everything ive been thinking about for so long. just...wow. it was....jake. he hasnt changed at all. he's still the same goofy funny weird jake that i like 5 months ago. same manorisms, the same goofy sense of humor, the same silly words he always used, that i gradually adopted into my own vocabulary. it was all there. and even though we havent had a word from each other in 5 months, we talked for a half hour without weird silences. and probably could have talked for another 2. im just shaking. just so full of emotion that i dont know what to do with, and im trying to pour as much of it into this as i can. its almost like i need to cry, except im not sad. i just dont know what to do with all the left over emotion. oh man oh man. its just...jake. its all ive wanted for 5 months (and it is five months, exactly. to the day. well, 20 weeks, which is technically 5 months) and its just...wow... and i think...maybe...that not having a letter was the best thing. it hurt so bad not hearing from him, but i think maybe it would have hurt worse, hearing from him, and knowing that it couldnt ever be possible? and thats why he said he didnt write me. and even though the past five months have been hell, it was worth it, because i know i'm ok. and im gonna be ok. i know now that even though him leaving and everything crashing down around me hurt so much, it was worth it, and in the end, i learned a lot about myself, love, and live in general. which is more than i could have ever hoped to learn, especially at this age. and like jake told me, live each day from emotion to emotion, and not hold anything back. express what you want, and need, to express, and just let it go. because you never know what you're going to miss, if you dont just do it at that second. and i like that.

Today.

heh, intresting. It has been a wonderful day and tomorrow should prove to be even more wonderful. Tomorrow my family and I are heading up to my grandma and grandpas house, which I have not been to in a long long long time. So I am excited. Thanksgiving is always a fun and nice holiday where food is to be eaten and lots of laughs to be had. Ahhh family.... heh!! Well since I see that my two other friends have submitted their papers on the blog for everyone else to read, I will join in too!! heh (I will add very well job done to both of you) Our papers were to be written as a Compare and Contrast essay. I chose a more "worldly topic" since Mrs. Potthast had been pushing us to reach beyond ourselves and into the world. So I did. Heh. My Life as an American vs. Iraqi Children’s Lives As an American citizen I enjoy many freedoms that were given to me by our founding fathers. The great country of America has given me many freedoms, thereby enabling me to live a life full of riches and opportunities. As an American child however, my eyes had been blinded by my freedoms. I was unable to fully appreciate the great country I had been living in for my whole life. I was unable to open my eyes to the world, and see the pain and sufferings of my brothers and sisters. My riches blinded me, so that I could not see the murderous and cruel acts that were inflicted upon many children, often the same age as myself. In the spring of 2003, America went to war with Iraq. The American’s objective was to remove Sadaam Hussein from power. America’s fear and hatred of Hussein was driven by their thought that Hussein possessed weapons of mass destruction. In the spring of 2003, America invaded Iraq with the objective to remove Hussein from power. A year and a few months later, the war in Iraq carries on. Hussein has been removed from power, and the country of Iraq left in ruins. I live the life of a middle class teenager in America. I enjoy many riches, and have ample opportunities to achieve anything that I desire. And so I naively assumed that many others across the world too shared the same freedoms that I have in my country, America. But as our American troops invaded Iraq in the spring of 2003, I soon discovered otherwise. The phrase the “Land of the free…” from the song “God Bless America,” began to take on a whole new meaning. As I watched the war in Iraq on television, I could not help to think how the poor and innocent Iraqi children could be surviving such a terror as war. Over the past year and a few months, I have become increasingly interested in the daily lives of the Iraqi children. I wondered how they could continue to live in such harsh conditions day after day. I find myself in utter disbelief of how these children are surviving. I find many aspects of my life and the life of an Iraqi child to be quite different. The difference in our lives is evident when looking at our schooling, our countries (America and Iraq), our rights, our responsibilities, and our goals and dreams. One of the main aspects of an American teenager’s life is school. And as a sixteen-year-old American, I can agree by saying that most of my time is devoted to my schoolwork. In Iraq education is the least of their concerns. Many children do not attend school, or they do attend school and are later forced to drop out of school. The children in Iraq often drop out of school around the ages of ten to thirteen. Most often the reason they no longer attend school is because they have to find a way to make money to bring food home to their starving families. In a poll taken in major cities in Iraq it was found that seventy to eighty percent of children in Iraq were no longer attending school, but were working since the war started. And in a poll taken in the city of Najaf, fifty percent of the children were no longer attending school. These staggering statistics of Iraqi children no longer in school is mind-boggling. The reason those statistics may seem absurd is that because in America, in my life, the very thought of dropping out of school would not even be an option. In America, schooling the children has become a top priority. The American government goes to great lengths for the children to attend school, often distributing financial aid packages to those who wish to pursue a higher education. In Iraq schooling is last on their list of priorities. Many Iraqi children cannot read or write, and if they can read or write it most often is only their name, and their father’s name. Literacy remains a problem in Iraq. Statistics reveal the truth of the illiteracy problem in Iraq. In the late 1990’s merely forty percent of Iraq’s population could read and write (fifty-five percent of men, and twenty-three percent of women). Another aspect of an Iraqi child’s life that I could never begin to understand is their day-to-day living conditions. In America, I find myself living comfortably in a nice house, in a respectable neighborhood, surrounded by good people whom I can trust. Never could I imagine living a life such as the Iraqi children live on a day-to-day basis. I cannot imagine waking up each morning to the sound of an air raid attack, or being scared for my life and the life of loved ones every single day. I cannot imagine knowing that because of one wrong word said, I could be murdered. When I imagine the life of an Iraqi child, I think that these children must live in fear, and never want to step forth from their houses. On the contrary, the terror filled lives of the Iraqi children makes them ever so more dependent upon themselves. Iraqi children work every day for food, and a small wage so that they can live and feed their families. While in America, I have not once had to be self-reliant. The life of an Iraqi child is one of pain and terror; one we, Americans, will hopefully never experience. As an American citizen, I acquired certain rights that were guaranteed to me through the United States Constitution. I have the right to choose whichever religion I wish to follow. I have the right to vote in public elections when I turn eighteen. I have the right to speak my mind. All of these rights and many more are guaranteed to American citizens through the government. Across the world each person has the right to life. The right to life should never be taken away from anyone, but sadly it is often, especially in Iraq. The Iraqi children have the right to life because they are human beings. However the Iraqi children do not receive many more rights. Unfortunately, the Iraqi government is more often stripping their right to life from them. Lack of rights, however, does not keep the Iraqi children from having overwhelming responsibilities. Unlike American children, they have to supply their starving families with food. The Iraqi children have the responsibility of keeping themselves, safe along with their families. They often stay up all night guarding their homes and families against raids that occur in their country. The responsibilities of the Iraqi children would prove to be unimaginable for most in America. The responsibilities of the children in America is not to provide food and security for their families, but to make sure the doors are locked at night, keep their rooms clean, and to occasionally take out the trash. The responsibilities of children of the same age, but from two different parts of the world are very dissimilar, and often horrifying. In spite of all of the differences between my life and the Iraqi children’s lives, there is a similarity. We are all children. We are all children striving for acceptance in the world. We are all children with goals and dreams. Even though we are separated through our two entirely different lives, one in the midst of chaos and one rejoicing in freedom, we all desire happiness and love. We are children living our lives: one in America, and one in Iraq. Hope you enjoy. I'm sorry I know its long. Tell me about it. I read it. It seemed that I had been reading for five-hundred years. Ahhh Well I'm out to get up early tomorrow to get ready to go to church at school. -Lindsay (Oh yeah, please comment on my paper your thoughts on it, because I'm just curious) HEH (Oh yeah again, today Tim's sister Jill had her surgery. So please everyone pray for her. I'm sure she will be fine. But a prayer never hurts. Right? heh oh of course right??? hehehe)

Turkey Day Approaches

Eh, well, I used to be very excited about this upcoming Thanksgiving break. We get off of school at 11:30 tomorrow, and I think that I'm going out to eat with my friends. I'm a little down because I won't really get to do anything else with them this weekend, because my crazy family is coming into town. Sigh. Lindsay, Sarah and I were supposed to have our real "girls night" on Saturday after I work, since we really didn't get to have one this past weekend. And we all know that we really need to have a time to sit down and talk. Maybe my cousin Kristen could hang out with us for awhile...hmm...eh, but I know that I need to spend time with my family. Which I enjoy, and all, truly. I just really need to spend some time with my friends. Today was great! Stuco meeting went fine...puh to the fact that we have one tomorrow, too...and my homeroom got bagels and orange juice this morning because we brought in the most canned goods for the food drive. Mmm it's been such a long time since I've had a cinamon crunch bagel...they are amazing. French and lit were fine...got a 100 on my pre-cal quiz! :-D yay! And our history presentation went really well, too. I don't know if everyone knows this or not, but our project was mostly a news cast...Lauren and I were the reporters, and Joe S was Thomas Jefferson (haha, that was great). I always find it easier to present projects when I have something interesting to say or do. And...well...this was definitely interesting. Ahh the joy I feel at having no homework tonight! It is a very welcome feeling. I know that I should probably get a head start on some of my long term homework...I'm really behind on that...but at the moment, I feel that I deserve a bit of a break. I think I'm just going to lounge around for awhile, maybe read some of my book for creative writing or lit. Sounds like a plan! That's all for now...I'll write during study hall tomorrow, as always. Tootles! Peace, love, and macaroni and cheese... YNatalieY From Today: - "Mr. Nauuuumannn.....whaaaat is ourrrrr graaaaade?" haha imagine me and Mr. Joseph Siebelts saying that repeatedly in the whiniest, most annoying voice ever... - "Gobble gobble." Katie being a turkey in French class...Krissy actually made a turkey sound, but, I'm afraid that I can not type exactly what it sounds like. Ask her to do it for you, it is the most hilarious noise ever!

LukeMan and AmyGirl

I had only sisters for seven years. (I spent the first three years of my life as an only child.) Emily arrived in 1991, and I don’t remember life before her. In 1998, Amy was born; she was just another sister- no large difference. But in 2001, Luke arrived, and everything I thought I knew was thrown out the window. Luke Gregory came on January 11, 2001. For the first few months of his life, not much was different from Amy’s babyhood. He would sleep, cry, eat, cry, poop, cry, and then sleep some more. But eventually the differences became noticeable. Luke does everything fast. When he learned to crawl, he raced down the hallway; his knees had constant rug burns from scraping against the carpet. When he began to walk, he didn’t just totter around and step slowly, he ran. And now, almost four years old, he is constantly in motion. He is never stopped, or even slow. He chases Amy, and races Lucky- our dog. I suppose the constant need for speed comes from trying to catch up to his big sisters. Luke fears nothing. Amy cries at the mere thought of a spider, while Luke often picks up the spider and shows it to me. “Look, Sissy!” He screams, as he picks up a Daddy Longlegs and dangles it in front of my face. And falling down doesn’t phase him. Luke always has scrapes on his knees and scabs on his elbows. A few weeks ago he and Amy were riding bikes on the sidewalk, and they collided. Amy toppled over and burst into tears, fearful she had cut her knees. Luke, who was actually hurt by the accident, started laughing and ran over to show my father the blood. My mother often says Amy is the clone of me. She takes everything over-seriously, and cannot make a decision. Deciding what to wear to kindergarten often requires tears, screams, and sometimes slamming doors. Luke, however, resembles my father. When my mother asks him which shirt he wants to wear to Preschool, Buzz Lightyear or Woody, Luke thinks a second, and then responds. If my mother suggests something other than his choice, he obliges and returns to playing with his toys. Amy is also persistent. Tonight at dinner, I was telling my parents about my Faith test, and how impossible it was, when we were interrupted by, “61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66…” “Amy!” I said, “Please stop, I’m trying to talk.” “70, 71, 72, 73, 74…” “Just wait,” my mom said. “She’ll be done in a minute.” So we waited until she had counted to 100, and then I finished telling them the events of Mr. Barnhart’s class. While my mother and I were annoyed, and Amy continued counting, Luke didn’t even notice. He continued eating his macaroni and cheese as though nothing else was happening. He sometimes zones in front of the TV as well, and screaming his name does not shake his concentration. To kill his trance, I have to nudge his shoulder or shake something else in front of his face. While Amy’s screams and tantrums are often earth-shattering, Luke in motion breaks the sound barrier. Nothing is simply said; instead it is screamed. Amy plays Barbie quietly, but Luke plays with his toy train and often ends with crashing plastic and pretend wails from the “injured civilians.” Amy plays school and pretends to be the teacher, and Luke is the obnoxious child in her class. My mother calls Luke the “little ManChild.” Just like a man, she says, he makes messes, and then leaves them for someone else to clean up. Right now, as I type this, I am surrounded by Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head, a dump trunk, a dinosaur, and remnants of his train set. Amy, however, has plastic bins where she keeps her toys. Each bin is for a different type of toy, such as doll house pieces, Barbie dolls and clothes, or play shoes and purses. Luke is a teddy bear; and he loves giving hugs and kisses. When I give him a kiss, he says, “No, Sissy, ten more kisses.” So I give him ten more kisses, and he pulls me back and says, “No, five more kisses.” This usually continues for several minutes, with different amounts of kisses. Amy, however, does not like to be bothered. She rarely gives me hugs, even at bedtime. Luke also loves to cuddle. When I watch television, he often climbs into my lap, rests back against me, and watches the television show with me. Sometimes, he will climb into my bed and pretend to sleep with me, until my mother makes him go to his own bed. Amy is the exact opposite; she hates to be confined. When I try to sit with her and watch Aladdin, one of our favorite movies, she wriggles out of my grasp and sits at the other end of the couch. People often ask if I wish I didn’t have siblings so young, and I never hesitate in answering. Sure, with younger siblings there are some things we can’t do. We can’t go on spur of the moment vacations or simple shopping trips. And until recently, a restaurant without a playground was out of the question. I was ecstatic when I found out about Amy, but when I first learned my parents were having a fourth baby, I wasn’t as excited. And when I found out it was a boy, I was even less thrilled. But Luke has kept our lives interesting, and nothing is ever boring. I know I shouldn’t have favorites, and I love Amy and Luke equally, but Luke has a special place in my heart. His spunkiness and happiness cheer me up, no matter what brought me down, and his giggle instantly puts a smile on my face. So No, I say to those who ask about my siblings. Even with all the things we can’t do, I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

Bored

wow school is boring. im sitting here in the computer lab, thinking how i should be doing my algebra homework, but knowing that's probably not gonna happen. i just read natalie's paper, and WOW. that was awesome. (read my comment) im all motivated to write mine tonight. so i hope it turns out even half as good as natalie's. there's not a whole lot going on right now. my chem test seemed unusually easy...so im hoping that turns out ok. my mind is swarming with everything from last night/this morning. but whatever. its not my problem and i shouldnt care. so anyway. i should probably actually do my algebra...heh wishful thinking...and i have to go find mrs. murphy and talk to her about crusader news. so here i go...only 1 1/2 days left... *~SaraH~*

We Just Don't See Eye to Eye

Ordinarily, when I think about boys, I am filled with one of three emotions: appreciation, annoyance, or confusion. Before I began writing this paper, I would say that confusion dominated the other emotions by a considerable amount; now, although I would never be so arrogant as to assume that I understand the complicated workings of a boy’s brain, I believe that I am better equipped to deal with my confusion when it arises. In beginning my research for this paper, I interviewed forty teenagers – twenty boys and twenty girls – on their feelings about a number of issues, from their relationships with their parents to their views on drugs and alcohol. Unsurprisingly, the answers of the boys and girls differed by significant amounts on a number of issues. To my astonishment, however, in other areas, boys and girls tended to agree more than disagree. I suppose that in writing this paper, I have realized that girls are not as different from boys as they like to believe. Before I began writing this paper, I believed that the subject of relationships was one of the major issues that males and females disagree about. Imagine my surprise when the majority of both males and females named honesty as the top virtue that they look for in a boyfriend or girlfriend. Kindness, understanding, and a sense of humor were also top qualities named by both genders. Boys favored looks only slightly more than girls; 75% of boys and 60% of girls admitted that appearance plays a large factor in determining the initiation of a teen relationship. When I asked what they found attractive about the opposite sex, I received a number of unusual answers; one boy claimed that he found girls with "football player shoulders" attractive, while a girl declared that boys who wear nail polish make her swoon. These answers serve to prove that every type of person is attractive to someone else; although beauty standards do exist, I do not believe they are as pronounced today as they were in past generations. Perhaps it was unwise of me, in my role as semi-objective reporter, to ask boys and girls to describe the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend. Many answers that I received were so specific and fanciful that I do not believe that anyone in the world could live up to them; such is the way with perfection. Other answers, however, were more reasonable. One boy declared that the perfect girlfriend would understand his love of video games and wrestling; a girl decided that the perfect boy would be one who actually knew how to operate a telephone. Interest in music, attractive features, and the ability to understand were common traits listed by both genders. Generally, girls wished that boys would be more attentive and caring, while boys wished that girls would be more tolerant of their faults and interests. Another question that I asked was, "What about the opposite sex confuses you most?" One wise boy proposed an alternate, and in his eyes, more suitable question: "What doesn’t confuse me?" I personally believe that boys are the most confusing individuals in the world, and I was not surprised when every single girl I interviewed agreed with me. What makes them think and act the way they do? Girls as a gender cannot begin to fathom male logic; I confess that the way boys deal with problems completely baffles me. The mysteries behind male reasoning, competitiveness, and a constant need to be the best completely elude females. Males, on the other hand, cannot understand why girls cannot make up their minds about what they want: one boy declared that girls spend the same amount of time deliberating over which movie they wish to see as they would deciding on which college to attend. A majority of the boys I interviewed, 55% to be exact, admitted that they could not begin to understand the mood swings that girls seem to have consistently. I cannot say that I completely agree with that last statement – after all, in this subject I can only be semi-objective – but as it was mentioned by so many boys, it must hold some grain of truth. In that case, I personally suggest that girls learn not to take their moods out on poor, unsuspecting boys, who have no way to protect themselves as they do not understand the way that girls’ minds work. The views of boys and girls were surprisingly similar when I asked them about important issues that face teenagers today, such as alcohol, drugs, and pre-marital sex. As for the subject of alcohol, 90% of boys and 85% of girls agreed that it was fine in moderation; misuse of alcohol, such as drunk driving, was obviously not approved by anyone. Drug use was widely hailed as "disgusting" and "ignorant" – one girl described the use of drugs as "a temporary and immature way to escape from life." Over the subject of pre-marital sex, however, the genders were slightly divided. Forty-five percent of both genders decided that pre-marital sex was permissible, but were visibly separated in their reasoning. Most of the girls who believed pre-marital sex to be acceptable specified that certain conditions must be met. They stated that a couple must be truly in love with the intention of getting married. However, most of the boys who agreed that pre-marital sex was permissible had no other opinions on the issue; they were indifferent, believing that pre-marital sex will occur no matter how many people are against it. Girls and boys also had differing opinions on religion, their relationships with their parents, and their feelings about school. Girls were decidedly more spiritual than religious; 60% of girls said that they focused more closely on their own, personal relationships with God, rather than the Church’s doctrine. Although many boys held this view as well, many more boys than girls considered themselves to be religious; that is, they felt more devoted to the Catholic Church and its teachings than to more abstract forms of prayer. With regard to parental relationships, girls were more inclined to get along with their parents than boys were; however, of those that did say they get along with their parents, a majority of both boys and girls feel closer to their mother than their father. Girls, too, were more likely to say they enjoy school, whereas most boys either said they detest or feel indifferent about it. The last question I directed at the people I interviewed was regarding advice. I asked them to share any advice that they felt would help the opposite gender in understanding them better. Here, in summary, is what they had to say: Girls had lots of advice for boys, especially regarding relationships. Girls emphasized the benefits of being a good listener, and encouraged boys to be themselves. One girl said that boys need to stop worrying about how they act in front of their girlfriends; confidence, though not arrogance, is an easy way to make oneself attractive to girls. Boys, too, stressed the need for confidence. One boy also discouraged the reading of magazines like Seventeen and YM because he believes that they give girls a false impression of what boys are really like. Maybe this advice can serve in helping boys and girls to better understand where the other gender is coming from. Obviously, boys and girls seem to be worlds apart in thoughts and actions. Girls are more inclined to believe in love at first sight, while boys are more likely to choose math as their favorite subject over English. It is these differences that make girls and boys feel so different from one another. The truth is, boys and girls are not as different as they think; their brains simply arrive at conclusions differently. Face it: boys and girls will never truly see eye to eye on many issues. It is my hope, however, that they can come to a better understanding of one another instead of constantly striving to outdo each other. Natalie

Hello!

Back after a long time...sorry...blogger.com wasn't working yesterday when I tried to update. This weekend was really good overall. It was definitely a weekend of proudness.... First of all, I am extremely proud of Joe Siebelts, who got a 32 on his ACT...that is absolutely amazing...seriously, I cannot even tell you how much he amazes me. Yay for Joe! You are the best! Second of all, I would like to say that Godspell was wonderful...and Matt surprised me so much! I mean, I had heard he was good at singing and everything, but I had never expected him to be absolutely incredible! Nikki, Kristen, and Amy were great, too, sheesh they are so wonderful at acting and singing! I am just so proud of them all. I'm now in the process of interviewing people (at the last possible minute, of course) for my lit paper. I'm writing a comparison/contrast paper about the differing views of girls and boys and how, because of these views, we don't understand each other at all. Ehh I hope it's ok...meh. I was really excited about writing it, but I'm afraid that it wont turn out well. Yay well I promise I'll blog more often...I've been so busy with schoolwork...but it's time to go now. Au revoir! Natalie

Heh...Turkey...

Trende J: now say your sorry Trende J: to my turkey haha thats my boy folks. lol. ok so anyway. today wasnt too bad. im kinda shaken by that conversation too, lindsay. did u read my comment? lol. it doesnt feel like a monday. i dont know what it feels like, but definately not a monday. i wrote my chem paper...12 pages, including pictures and stuff...yeah buddy. tomorrow night is dedicated to the lit paper... cheer practice today...and yeah to being the only stunt group that can do a lib w/o a front spot! go us! (natalie we are sooo buff!) and then we went to sonic and got "motz sticks" (says the cute waiter boy) and yummy ice cream and tater tots. mmm'mmm. hehe i was a fat kid today :) so thats about it. lotsa other stuff on my mind....but this isnt the place, so im gonna go. 'night! ...Its true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we're missing untill it arrives... -sarah PS i made a new AIM sn...its: DontLookDown567

Compare and Contrast essay.

Um... I think mine is going to be fairly good. I'm excited to see what she thinks about it. I compared and contrasted my life as an American to the the lives of the Iraqi children in the midst of war. So yeah I like it a whole lot, but we will see. (And I found on this website that the Iraqkids have a blog. www.iraqkids.blogspot.com ) Anywho, Godspell was freaking amazing. Guys I want the dvd of it. Matt is amazing. He is so talented. Wow, I wish I could sing. Puh. And Nikki whoah, she has an amazing voice. Jeez they need to have humungo roles in the musical at school, it would be amazing if they did. Heh, well they were amazing. Anywho, yeah last nights convo at IMO's really shook me up. I still dont know what to think about it. Its not like what he said was anything new to me at all, but I think maybe I was in denial about it. And I just assumed thats what everyone else did too with there "groups". What I thought I was doing was hanging out with my friends. Hanging out with people I enjoy and like. And if that is hurting people. I dont know what I want to do. I dont like feeling like I hurt people. I want to change, but I dont know how. I dont want to be an "unapproachable bitch". Thats the last thing I've ever wanted. But I want to be happy. Oh I dont know whatI want. Last night just felt like I was stabbed, heh, whoah. Hehehe. yeah it sucked. So I really need to figure this out soon. I just want everyone to know that I dont mean to hurt anyone. I really dont. Hehe wow. -Lindsay If it makes you happy. Then why the hell are you soo sad. -song on the radio that they always use to play(heh)

Ehh

Just posting to say that I did so. Anatomy test today was hard...blah. And it's not even over because the diagram portion of it is on Monday, but I think that that will be easier. I hope.

I am looking forward to the weekend so much! I can't wait to be out of school for just a little bit...and I am extremely grateful for the shortened week next week. Thank God for turkey day...lol.

Night all!

Peace, love, and Aretha Franklin...

YNatalieY

so girls night at my house saturday after godspell? we really need it. i feel so unconnected to you guys. and i definately dont like it. so spanish was incredibly gay. we had mr leonard, which was awesome, but ms. dultz left these worksheets (to be taken as a grade) on stuff we havent learned yet. nobody understood what we were doing. it was ridiculous. so puh to stupid teachers who grade you on things you havent even learned yet. and i turned in my us history paper today. one down, two to go. chem shouldnt be too difficult. its a science paper, so its in divided sections and doesnt have to be literarilly god. (wow is that even a word? i just made it up. go me.) and i think im doing my lit essay on having a brother and a sister. cuz i all i had was sisters till i was 12, and little lukie came along. man o man i love that kid. he definately keeps life interesting. so that should be a fun paper. and i found out today that kristen has a blog too. everything started with us!! yea blog!! lol. im so proud of us, for keeping this going. its been amazing. and its definately kept us close. i heart the blog! ok well i am going to relax. study hall first tomorrow, so yea to doing homework in it. woo hoo. and the oc is on tonight...yeah rich people... i think im afraid i will never find what i never knew i had... ^^i wrote that last night...it kinda makes me think...i like it.^^ good night! *~SaraH~*

Pissed off.

Yeah I'm not in the greatest of moods right now. I'm not actually quite sure how I got to be here. I guess just a few things happened today that just totally threw me. It just amazes me how little people are open to new and not so bad of things. Ahh that just makes me really angry. There are a lot of ignorant people out there in our world, sadly. Erghh that makes me so angry. And I'm sorry if I might sound like I'm over exaggerating everything. I just happen to be very passionate about a few things, and when anyone says anything about them (in a bad sense, without having any just reasons) it just really pisses me off. Ahhh especially when they are supposed to be your teachers. Well that was just a little thing that pissed me off today. Mucho grande more happened. But sadly I dont feel like elaborating. It just hasnt been a good day starting this morning and then coming home from school ill. Yeah. And then just lately, I have this feeling inside of me that I am just plain stupid. I firmly beleive that I dont belong in the classes that I am in. I feel like I dont measure up to anyone in any of my so called "smart" classes. I often have a feeling of that I am quite inferior to all of my friends. Matter of factly I do every single time I am with them. I hate that so much. I just feel plain stupid. I dont feel smart enough for them. And everytime I think I might have done well on a test or paper, I just get it returned to find out I yet have not surpassed even my own goals. I just dont feel worthy of even being measured next to my friends or really anyone. I hate that feeling, it seriously is the worst in the world. But I have tried to fix it, but it doesnt work. Just day after day without fail, it just happens again and again, my goals continue to be surpassed by everyone except myself. I dont know how and I dont know why. But I do know I dont like it. I will try my hardest to become the best student I can be, but sometimes I just feel like giving up because I know I will never ever begin to compare to anyone. I just hate so much that I am not as smart or as intelligent. I hate not being good enough for other people, but ever more than that I hate not being good enough for me. All right well I'm done with my rant. I'm out. *Lindsay*

All Smiles

I'm in history class again...I won't be blogging later because of all the studying I plan to do for anatomy. Honestly, if I don't do well on this test...heh ok, I'm not as worried as I used to be. But I'm still worried! Today has been a really great day so far. Party in French class! Last night, Lindsay and I ended up making two cakes...one in the shape of France, and the other a Japanese flag (don't ask). They were wonderfully delicious! But, the best part was our, erm, small scale food fight...which consisted of Lindsay and I shoving cake in Joe's face. Ha it was great. Hmm other funny happenings today...this morning there was a short pep rally to celebrate the soccer team's winning state...it was okay....but, Mr. Koeller gave the longest speech ever, I swear, it made everyone late for their first class. Sarah kept making fun of it, it was hilarious... Ooooooooppppss Mr. Naumann just caught me. I'm done! But I'm not in trouble...so...good lol. Byes! Natalie

Good morning, and welcome to the first of many episodes of SDCN News...

my sister shadowed me today. it was alright, i suppose. her friend leanne came with her. they kept to themselves all day. i think they were really bored....oh well. i wish i had a better relationship with my sister. lindsay and lauren and natalie and nikki seem to get along so well. emily and i only fight... today was alright, i suppose. kind of weird. i dont know how to explain it, but it was different. who knows. crusader news after school...wow...thats all i can explain it with. i love doing that so much. we recorded maggie and i anchoring it, and it was so awesome. im so comfortable in front of the camera. i was nervous at first, but after we started doing it, it worked so well. maggie and i blended really well. i really hope it turns out ok...it should view thursday or friday...oh god i hope it turns out ok. in incredible overwhelmed right now. i have three papers due next week. us history on monday, chem on tuesday, and lit on wednesday. chem shouldnt be too bad...and us history probably not either. but for some reason i really want to do good on that one. i dont know why. but i feel like putting a lot of effort into it and writing a truly good paper. and lit...well i dont know. i run hot and cold in that class. its like every other paper turns out good. this one is due to be bad...but i want to do good on it. if im able to come up with a good topic, i think i can run with it. ahhh. and now gayness of chemistry homework. its not hard, i just dont want to do it. and i dont want to go to cheerleading tomorrow morning at 6:30. ahh. and i dont want to work this weekend. i just want to sleep in the amazing flannel sheets my mom put on my bed today. ohhhh man flannel sheets. doesnt that sound awesome... -sarah

Heh Pathetic...

Sad how I can't get through an entire study hall without blogging. I would attribute it to dedication...but I suppose it should be considered an obsession, or, in better terms, a basic need. I hate days like today. They start out pretty well...I was in a good mood until I got to school. Puh, but everything went downhill when I got here...I got irritated by everyone and everything. Then, acting class was great! But now, puh, things aren't going too well again. I hate that. I will try to end my annoyance, it's not even for a good reason. I just hate feeling like no one cares enough. I am in the computer lab using my new favorite computer...its keyboard has two windows keys, instead of a windows key and an alt key. Only I would notice something that insignificant and be amused by it. Oh well. Ehh more anatomy studying. It seems like I'm studying all the time, but I know that I get distracted much more often then I'm actually paying attention. Eh, it's a curse! But I promise...tonight, after Lindsay and I bake a cake for French class tomorrow, I am buckling down and focusing. I WILL know this material. I will not continue to assume that I can do nothing and still get As all the time. Also Lindsay, Joseph S....I am not really that mad lol. Yes, I am irritated and a little...left out...because you guys live about 5 seconds away from me...but I guess I'll get over it, it's not that big a deal, I guess. I just wonder why you didn't even care to ask, that's all. Puh, time to print out my anatomy outline and the online quiz to work on. Sheesh. I don't want to stop blogging because that means that I have to do more work. Puh! I can't wait for the weekend! Of course, the weekend won't end things...I have to take the diagram portion of the anatomy test on Monday, and I have a lit paper due on Tuesday...but it will at least numb my feelings towards school. And yes....a girl's night sounds lovely, Lindsay. Maybe after seeing Godspell on Saturday, we can sleep over somewhere? We all need to talk. That's all for now. Take care everyone. I hope you're all in a better mood then I am. Natalie

Sickness of Today.

Puh, yeah I defintely felt like I was going to keel over and die today in Faith. It was probably I have to say my most miserable day ever feeling in school. Puh I wanted to die. And to make things even better, right after Faith I had to go right to Chemistry and take a test that will say I just was not to prepared for. So yeah it was crap. But thank God for Leslie. Heh, she had medicine for me. Ahhh yes, motrin what wonders it can do. I felt crappy for half of the test and then it kicked in and I felt all brand new. Ahh yeah motrin!!! So that was my crappy day at school all wrapped up. (not to mention my way out of wack lit grades again that I received on my cause and effect paper.) 90,90,90,93, and a 75 puh what is that??? o well I give up. But in good news I got an 88 on my algebra test that I thought I was going to fail. So thats good!!! Studying did pay off, I suppose. Well I got a message from Tim on my phone today, saying that he was having fun on retreat. So yay!! I'm so happy for him. I hope he is getting as much out of it as I did. I really want to have another girls night (Sarah and Natalie) We need to catch up with everything that is going on eachothers lives. We dont get to talk as much as usual these days (with boys and all) And my non willingness to talk in school about things. Meh I dont know whats up with me at school. I just always feel like crap and want to go home. Meh, so yeah how about it, GIRLS NIGHT????? Yeah!!! Well, I'm off and I have two christmas presents that I want. And thats it. So yeah I'm being retarded. But I just thought of em.... The new rascal flatts cd, and keith urbans new cd. Yeah bus ride to d.c. with good new cds. Alright well I'm off to watch some more football. *Lindsay*

I Don't Have Multiple Personalities, I Swear

Honestly. I've been reading through some recent posts of mine, and all I have to say is....wow. My mood changes so drastically at the littlest provocation. Well...most of the time the things that disturb me aren't exactly little, but the fact that a mere few hours before I could be skipping with joy...heh....but I think my days of multiple personalities are almost over. We shall see what happens. I've been sitting here for an hour with my anatomy book open on my lap, trying to focus and take more notes, but it's no use. I HAVE to write in here. I don't even have anything particular to say, but I will not be able to get anything done before I blog for the night. Nothing incredible today...we had cheer practice on the field because it was really nice out. We're all learning a new way, a better way, to do builds, and I like it a lot better. Too bad one of the first times we tried to do a lib we ended up sprawled in a heap on the turf, laughing hysterically. Heh. Then Caroline and I discovered the "Hell snow" -- the little black rubbery things on the turf -- and we kicked them at Sarah and Jen. All in all, it was an enjoyable practice. I missed my Megan today, because she's on the retreat...my corner of my homeroom is pretty quiet without her and Laura. Meh I wish other people would blog! Ahem Joseph Siebelts...James....Mr. JRo. You boys need to blog more often, and that is not a request. Much love, from the Blog Nazi. Ok. Well. Now I feel as if I can devote myself to my anatomy, no matter how much I don't want to. Bye Bye.... Peace, love, and PROCRASTINATION YNatalieY

it hasnt been a good day. i cant really explain why (partly because i dont have the words to, and partly because of the censor-ness that has overcome this blog). but it hasnt been a good day. i was trying to help my little brother put together this plastic car that turns into a house thing, and i wish that was all the complicated my problems got. figuring out how to put together a plastic toy. man those were the days... man i just want to cry... -sarah ps. lindsay, i love that quote. its amazing.

Yeah History Class!

OK, so....I'm in history class right now, and blogging primarily because I know I'm not allowed to. Yeah defiance....oh wait....that is so not me. My mistake. Mr. Joe Siebelts and I are supposed to be working on our power point presentation, but he is busy, erm, doing pre-cal homework, so....oh well. Our project will be the best in the long run. Hahaha our project is amazing....:-D Yeah Jefferson...he does not have relationships with men like Mr. Adams....only with slaves..... Haha well I'm done for now, we are actually working. Ta ta!

God bless the broken road that led me straight to you. - Rascal Flats *Lindsay* I'm leaving to go watch my sisters championchip soccer game. Ahhh coldness!!!

vitamins, condoms, and film. heh that sounds like a porno...

exhausted...thats what the weekend does for me...it makes me tired beyond belief. oh well. friday was fun, everyone came over and we hung out and ate pizza and watched disney movies. haha yeah lilo and stitch. lol. and whack-a-mole, what an amazing game. =) lol. wow. so yea that was good. and apparently my bed makes noise...heh good to know... yesterday i worked, and then hahns came over for a little bit to pick up lindsay. chels was really tired cuz she had a swim meet all day, so she was kinda crabby. oh well im used to it. and today i worked 10-4. stocking shelves. all day. vitamins, and condoms, and film, and baby diapers, and tampons, and toothbrushes...man its enough to make you head spin. whew. so thats about it. i need to start on my us history project, due in like a week. but its for chartrand, so not too much effort is gonna have to go into that...and a pfund paper, but those are entirely copy and pasted anyway-wait no they're not...i promise... so yeah. ok im done. *~sarah~*

Procrastinating.

Ah yes what else would I do on a Sunday afternoon. I have plenty of things that I should be working on, and yet I find myself doing the least productive thing that I could be doing right now for myself. Puh. I should be studying chemistry but what fun is that. Today has been a good day. Nice and relaxing. Ahh got to love Sundays with nothing better to do than eat apple pie your mom made and watch football with your dad. Yeah Rams!! Heh!! Well I'm gonna go read my book, The Killer Angels, write a reflection statement for Faith class, and study chemistry. Maybe sometime during that I can find time to maybe talk to Tim. Puh...yeah right. But I will try. Yesterday was fun. I drove Joe Siebelts and myself out to Tims house. And then Tim drove my fathers car to Arbys to get food, and then back to Jo Ro's house to work on history project. So we started our history project like around 7 and got done around 10. So all and all not bad. Very productive evening. And in class on Tuesday me and Jo Ro just have to work on the power point (adding in cool stuff) !!!! Yay!! Yeah for group projects!!! Ok, well I'm done. *Lindsay* P.S. I dont know if this might intrest anyone, but I found it rather amusing. I found this note thing on the home page Blogging thing (www.blogger.com) that apparently this one guy has written a book about the blogging. (Tea for one: Zen and the Art of Blogging) So yeah! Im done. I found the book at this website... http://www.cafepress.com/teaforone

Words of Wisdom to the Boys

Ok, so, I already posted today...don't miss that entry...but I got this forward and had to post it because it is extremely true (of my moods, especially). Boys, take heed. WORDS WOMEN USE FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. NOTHING This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine" GO AHEAD This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it. LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing" THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

Happy Birthday, Tony!

I would just like to say to everyone how happy I am for Tony. He is 17 today! But that is not why I am happy for him. He seems to be genuinely happy with his life, and that is a great feeling...I hope that it lasts for him because there is no one who deserves it more. He will probably never read this because he never gets online, but happy birthday, anyways, Tony. You deserve to be happy. I woke up this morning realizing how truly unorganized I am. I always sleep until the last possible minute, and I end up not having enough time to do everything I need to, so I put on my shoes while I'm driving. Also as I drive, I eat my breakfast, do last minute homework, talk on my cell phone, and still manage to get to school only 5 minutes later than I should for cheerleading or Student Council. Heh I think that I've made disorder a true art. I've started studying for anatomy. My book is open to Chapter 7, and I am taking detailed notes. Crazy, huh? But I seriously need to do well, so I am going to actually try to do well here. I NEED to do well. I know that I've said this all before, but its something that I need to think about a lot, so my worry about this test will probably appear in the blog quite often. The first part of the test is on Thursday, and the diagram part is a week from Monday. Meh we shall see how everything goes. I am, at the moment, scared to death. Actually, at the moment, I am at work, answering phones and recording reservations. In between calls, I read anatomy and write this. I'm glad that I have the short shift today, because I am extremely hungry, and craving Nothing But Noodles. Also, today is November 13. Those of you with significant knowledge of my life, good memories, and good math skills might be able to work out just what that means. Oh la la I just got my paycheck for working these past two weeks. Yummy. I really hope that I don't have to put all of it towards insurance, but you never know...that bill is coming up soon, and I'll have to pay it somehow. Sigh...heh I should never complain about having to pay for things. I never have to pay for anything...so...I will stop complaining right now. Also...I think that I might be going to see Chicago at the Fox...we will have to see.... :-D .... ehh yes, we will just have to see what the schedules of the next few weeks allow. If not, Rent is coming in January, and both my cousin Kristen and Mrs. Potthast told me that it is something that I cannot miss. Mrs. Potthast told me that she will lend me the soundtrack, so I am looking forward to listening to that. Ahh plays...they make me so happy...I just get so amazed by the talent that I want so desperately to have. I've just been thinking about a lot of things lately. Things are getting hectic with school...lots of last minute projects and tests seem to be creeping into my schedule. I haven't even begun my history paper, ten pages long, due on December 1. I actually haven't even chosen a topic. Ick. And exams are before Christmas this year, which I will be grateful for over Christmas break but which will undoubtedly place a good deal of stress on me soon enough. And life...heaven forbid that life interfere with school, EVER. Honestly. I think that I'm done for the night. I'm going to try to focus on my homework and get lots of it out of the way so that I can do something tomorrow. I really need time with my friends to keep me from getting too stressed. Good night everyone. I love you all. Unless, you know, you are one of those people that I don't like. Lol, just kidding. Peace, love, and coloring anatomy diagrams... YNatalieY

Self Control Pills

on the way home from lindsays, tim and i invented Self Control Pills. They help you to control your ..erm.. urges...if you get my drift. and inside every pill is a tiny caplet of contraceptives, in case the self control fails. and we decided after these pills are released, there will be mass hysteria of people trying to get high off the self control pills, making themselves want to want to have sex so the contraceptives will burst and give them a high. haha yes, this is what james and i made up. we did study algebra though, lots actually. and i picked out school house rock for their us history project. thatll be amazing. :) so yea that was the best part of the day. waking up at 5:00 for cheerleading definately wasnt great. but leebs did tell me that he thought me (and steph helping) running the practice went really well, and that he thinks that idea will work. i really hope it does. i dont think i could take it if cheerleading went to hell even more for basketball season...God help us... well thats it. nighty night folks. *~SaraH~*

Back to Blogland

Blogs lately have been pretty short...sorry about that...and they haven't been exactly as good and detailed as they should be. Sorry if I'm slacking on my writing. Lots of things are just crazy, but I think that things will soon be good again, so I will try not to worry as much about all that I do worry about. I am going to attempt to direct my focus at happiness. I know that I can get there. School these days is just crazy. I could not have any homework one night, then have tons another night just because I feel too lazy to get a head start on anything else. This year has turned me into an even greater procrastinator than I already am. Ehh and anatomy...that test next week is going to be so hard...I really hope to get a big head start studying tonight. I really need to do well on this test...and not only well, but AMAZINGLY well. I really have to bring up my grade. And because I just found out that this test is practically 2/3 of my grade, well...you can see how imperative it is. So I hope to dedicate a big chunk of my night to studying for that...eh. Sadly, the play is over. We get to bring in food and slippers and movies to acting class tomorrow, which is sure to be fun. Now I am really looking forward to the musical. I really want to know what it is. I want it to be Bye, Bye, Birdie!...so do a lot of other people, so maybe we can convince Mrs. Potthast that we would do a good job with it. I think that she wants to do Brigadoon this year, though...sigh...I don't really know what to make of that musical. I've seen both the movie and the stage production, and both have really made me think the same thing -- the idea is charming and interesting, but the actual play is kind of...boring. Meh. Whatever the musical turns out to be, know that I am extremely anxious for it...it seems so far away, which it is. Blah! But, a wonderful thing has come from the play. Everyone in that class has gotten so close...and if not close as in lifelong friends, close as in we know each other...we actually know the people in the class on a personal level because we've worked together so closely. That is one of the biggest things that makes me thankful for taking that class this year, besides the fact that I love acting of any kind. Wow it just makes me so happy, which I need. Eh and just a suggestion to everyone...swing by the grocery store and pick up some mini Chips Ahoy cookies...they are absolutely amazing.... Peace, love, and text messages YNatalieY

today was ok. im exhausted. 6:30 AM cheer tomorrow...woohoo...thats earlier than i get up on a regular day...heh ill sleep through faith... oh and i got an A on my blog essay. =) (i think these were the grades...i dont exactly remember...) content 94 style 93 grammar and spelling 90 focus and organization 94 success 95 go me! lol. oh and crusader news is going really well. justin seems to like everything ive done so far. he said he's really impressed with it. =) yay. good night. -sarah

Well...

OMG Sarah...I can't believe that...your dad wouldn't go....I will lock him in his room for a year without dessert if he even thinks about it, I promise...

Oops those quizzes from last night don't seem to be working too well. I think I'll just delete the post because it looks crazy. The only quizzes that ended up working well were the "What season are you?" and the "What kind of love are you?" Well, for anyone who cares, I am winter and pure love. If you want to take any of these quizzes on your own, go to www.quizzilla.com. I'm thinking that that is the sight. Yeah study hall...I should probably try to study for anatomy a little bit so that I know what is going on. Puh. Even though I know its because we only have one grade, failing a subject is more than a little bit depressing. Sigh... Studying for French class tonight! :-D Well that's all for now...ta ta! Natalie

:-/

so my dad wants to go to baghdag. for a year. he got offered some position to go and fix airplanes for the marines. (and apparently it pays a lot of money) i am so incredibly scared. i dont think he will actually go, but it scares the hell out of me that he might even think about it. i dont even know what to say. :-/ thats all ive been thinking about today. -sarah

Death to Everything

I...really don't even know what to say. Everything in life seems ok for awhile, then....everything seems horrible again. I want to say that last night was absolutely amazing. I had the best time seeing The Incredibles, and doing the fun dance machine thing with Joe -- it was absolutely hilarious -- and...I seriously had the best night that I've had in a long time. I love when I'm with my friends. They make me feel so wonderful about myself, and I almost wish that I could be constantly with them so that I didn't have to deal with other hard things that tend to crop up...every day...in my life. I am so sick and tired of these problems that sometimes I just have to go into my room and scream. Most people know what I'm talking about. Things have hardly changed since last time I talked about anything. I really want things to be better...yet...nothing seems to change for me. All I do is get more upset...and more upset...and cry...and cry...it isn't right for a person to cry so much. It's not healthy. Not at all. And I don't know what to do about that. I really don't know what to do about anything. And I feel lost half of the time. Actually, all of the time. I...really need some help. And I need to be happy. I desperately need it. And it seems like no matter what I do, things come back and make me hurt again. Will there be no rest? Because honestly, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Crying some more doesn't sound like fun. I hate everything. If only I could bottle last night's happiness and keep it forever... Natalie

Just Another Day

not too much today. i got up early and had cheerleading in troy. it was really good. but theres problems with stunt groups...and i have to figure it all out before practice on thursday...its definately not good....meh. and tonight im going to see a movie with jeff. it should be fun. i think we're seeing Taxi? that looked really funny. queen latifah is awesome, and jimmy fallon is hysterical. so it should be cool. oh and the play was amazing. Natalie is sooooo awesome. she is the best actress ever. everyone did a really really good job. we've got some talented kids! lol. wow pretty much senseless writing today...fat lack of anything good to write about. ill write later? maybe? aw who knows. *~SaraH~* PS thank you to all those who prayed for Megan. she's gonna be ok. she's not better, by any means, but she's on her way there. right now she's just taking things slow and healing. keep her in your prayers!

Just Because...

I am writing now just because it is pretty much a tradition of mine that I update the blog at work. I've been here since 9 this morning, but I get to leave in about half an hour, so that is all good. Sheesh, people calling in today have been really annoying. They ask a bunch of questions that no one could answer, and they pretty much demand that you know them. Heh, yeah right. Oh well, they actually do not bother me that much. The play....is tonight...*breathes raggedly*....ohhhh lordy. I am beginning to feel...afraid. I really hope that it goes well. I hear that no one is coming to it really, besides those people who are coming mainly to support the actors (ahem, parents and friends). But oh well! I am still so amazingly excited...every time I think about it, my stomach jumps around. I have to remember to take lots of pictures while I'm there...I took a couple at rehearsal last night, but I want pictures of everyone! Ahh the excitement just continues to build. Last night was so hilarious. I watched a couple of the scenes that I hadn't seen before, and a couple of people surprised me. I am so proud of some people...some that I didn't expect to be very good are wonderful! Ahh I just can't wait to leave here and get there and get ready. AAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! Peace, love, and being VERY impatient... YNatalieY

?????

I really want to know what is going on with everyone. Everyone is acting really strangely toward me lately, and I want to know why. Anyone who can clarify this...please tell me....thanks. We got out of play practice early today because we did so amazingly! Honestly, we did so horribly during previous practices and at school but now...it is really good, I swear. I'm so excited. Mankind and Co., at St. Dominic High School in O'Fallon, Missouri, come to see it at 7:30 pm on November 6 and 7. It's going to be wonderful! My big scene isn't until the last story, but I crop up every now and then.....*grins*.....come see it!! Peace, love, and wondering what is going on.... Natalie

Out of the Loop

It seems like I haven't talked to anyone lately...I seriously don't think I've really talked to Sarah, Lindsay, or James one time this week. Hmm. Don't like it. But then again, lots of things are going on in all of our lives, so...well...I guess it is to be expected at some times. I just feel really out of the loop this week, I hope that that will be corrected this weekend. No homework tonight! Amazing! The Pre-cal test today was kind of easy....we didn't compare answers at lunch and then go back and finish the test...no...who does that? And history wasn't that bad, either. So that was good. I spend so much time worrying about subjects but the only one I should really worry about at the moment is anatomy, because I AM FAILING. Heh a new feeling for me, really. Death of pop quiz made me get a 55% because I didn't even look at the new chapter. It was my own fault, but oh well...it is just bad that that's the only grade posted on Edline. Ick. The play is so amazingly close...it is so scary. Well, not really scary. Well, yes, scary. Nothing is really going well, so it makes me wonder how well we will actually do. Tomorrow we have the longest practice imaginable...honestly, it goes from about 3 pm to midnight. We have so many things to perfect. I do not know all of my lines perfectly because I still cannot find my script, I just borrow other people's. And I have the feeling that I am not acting as well as I could. I hate that feeling. I know that acting can never be perfect, but I hate feeling that I am not performing my best. Sigh....that should all be corrected tomorrow. Tonight was the National Honors Society induction...it actually went by really quickly, I was very surprised. The best part of it though was that everyone went around congratulating all of the kids, and all of the kids were like....great, thanks...because NHS just feels like a thing, it doesn't really feel like some huge honor. I mean, correct me if I'm mistaken, but it really doesn't. Heh oh well, it is pretty cool anyways. That is all for tonight. I think I'm going to just flop onto my bed and relax for the first time this week. Sounds like a plan. Peace, love, and partner tests....or group tests....hehehe *grins* YNatalieY Oh yes, and about the topic of love that both Sarah and Lindsay have written about in recent posts...well...you girls both know that I have a lot to say about it because we have discussed the topic many times, but what I don't know how to do is write about it. Every poet, every writer since the beginning of time has tried to capture the essence of love in writing, and not one has succeeded even adequately. That is why I am not even going to try to explain what it is, and I am one of the few who knows for sure.