Painkiller For My Emotions

Wow Natalie. I am in complete awe of your entry. In some completely weird way, that goes with everything that is happening to me right now. Your entry was amazing, and i could never write anything that good, but i will try my best to do it the honor of following it well. I, too, have always hated that stupid saying, "Everything happens for a reason" What possibe explanation can you give for why a parent is killed and a child left parentless? Or a child killed and a parent left childless? Or car accidents or shootings or any of the horrible things in our world? There is absolutely no reason for those things, and saying 'everything happens for a reason' is just a cheap excuse someone makes to lie to themselves trying to make things seem ok. Let's face it, some things just happen for no reason, and we cannot control them, no matter what we think or do. That is what i learned this summer. I learned that things just happen, and we have no say in it. Since July i have driven myself crazy over the fact that i let myself get close to Jake. I wont say that i 'fell for him' because i do not believe that i have. but i think that with time, i quite possibly could have. and that is so unbelievably scary for me, because i have always thought of myself as one that does not get all tangled up with boys. ive like them, and have had crazy crushes, sure, but i have never believed that love is possible at such a young age. yes, there are exceptions, but in general, people at 15, 16, 17 years old just dont know enough about themselves, the world, or just life in general to be able to be 'In Love'. people could Love each other, but they couldnt possible be 'In Love' with that other person. but that outlook has changed. i cant pinpoint exactly what made me change my mind, and there are still times that i think its not possible. but now theres a little voice in the back of both my head and heart that says 'you're wrong'. and i wont go to the extreme of saying that i have ever been 'in love' but i realize now that even just liking someone a lot(let alone falling in love) happens so quickly and without thinking that by the time you realize what's happening, it has already happened, and there is nothing you can do about it. it was out of your control, but not for a particular reason. like natalie said, things happen, and they open you up to new experiences, but not because a specific thing has to happen. Jake left, and thats what triggered all the things i said above. but the REASON he left wasnt for me to figure that out, it was just one effect caused by his leaving, and it has affected me for the rest of my life. (now this isnt really the same thing, its more of just me complaining about all the shit that is going on right now, so just bear with me...) and what reason can be given for dana having to leave? anybody that knows us can just tell how close we are. i once asked someone how long they thoughtd we'd known each other, and the person said, "gosh i dont know, 7 or 8 years maybe?" nope, about a year. and less than that of us actually talking and becoming friends. we just clicked so unbelievably, and it just happened. thats usually how things are with us, they just happen and we dont even realize it. and now that things have finally gotten good again, (we survived many months of groundings and getting in trouble, thanks to the fact that almost everything we did, dana got caught and punished for) she is being forced to move to michigan. what excuse can be given for that? it's just not fair. we have had to deal with so much shit, about just about everything, and now we are being ripped away from each other, to seperate parts of the country. she is in a different TIME ZONE for christ sake. and dont you dare tell me there could possibly be a good explanation for that. it just happened, without us having any say, and we are being forced to deal with it and its repurcussions, and my god there are gonna be thousands. we are used to seeing each other every day, sometimes twice a day, and now she is 600 miles away. someone please how THAT's gonna work. we can't go get taco's and pimp juice with matt when it takes 10 hours just to get to her house. we cant role on the floor in the hallways laughing hysterically and have madame faserro look at us funny when we dont even go to the same school. we cant lie to our parents, telling them we're staying after school for a pep club meeting, when actually we are getting picked up by our boys to go somewhere, when we are in two seperate states. there cant possibly be a REASON for us to go through so much hell. i cant even count the number of times someone has come up to one of us and asked, "where's dana?" or "where's sarah?". thats just how we are. its gonna suck, just icing on the cake of a overall pretty sucky summer. so someone please write me a prescription for a painkiller for my emotions. *~SaraH~*