I'm afraid that I might regret writing what I'm about to write right now. I felt a bit guilty after reading Lindsay's blog last night...I've felt slightly angry at her for the past couple days because when she will even pay any attention to me at all, its all negative...and I didn't know that she was feeling sad like that. Now, I don't feel guilty anymore because of the following reasons. The only reason I've ever been upset when Lindsay and Joe S aren't happy is because it makes me feel that no matter what I do or how hard I try, they would still rather things be like they were last year. No matter how much I try to be a good friend, they would rather it be someone else instead of me. That fact upsets me often, and when it does upset me, it upsets me a lot. But, unlike other people, I don't take out my sadness or anger on unsuspecting innocents. And it's not like no one else has ever felt lost or alone. I know that everyone has lost friends. That is probably one of the hardest things that a person has to face in life. I'm so amazingly sorry that you had to go through what you did...I was there...I saw it. But I've lost a soulmate. Not just a friend. No one else can ever even think that they know what that feels like. I've been broken for a long time, but I don't have to show it to everyone. I carry around pain everyday, but I don't take it out on my friends for no reason. I know now that happiness isn't just thrown into your lap...you have to make it. God I sound like a fortune cookie. I hate when people do that, and now I am. Puh, hatred of the world. I am very angry right now. I hate feeling like whatever I do, however hard I try, I can never make things right between anyone. No one's happy. They aren't happy because they won't let themselves be. Natalie