Death to Everything

I...really don't even know what to say. Everything in life seems ok for awhile, then....everything seems horrible again. I want to say that last night was absolutely amazing. I had the best time seeing The Incredibles, and doing the fun dance machine thing with Joe -- it was absolutely hilarious -- and...I seriously had the best night that I've had in a long time. I love when I'm with my friends. They make me feel so wonderful about myself, and I almost wish that I could be constantly with them so that I didn't have to deal with other hard things that tend to crop up...every day...in my life. I am so sick and tired of these problems that sometimes I just have to go into my room and scream. Most people know what I'm talking about. Things have hardly changed since last time I talked about anything. I really want things to be better...yet...nothing seems to change for me. All I do is get more upset...and more upset...and cry...and cry...it isn't right for a person to cry so much. It's not healthy. Not at all. And I don't know what to do about that. I really don't know what to do about anything. And I feel lost half of the time. Actually, all of the time. I...really need some help. And I need to be happy. I desperately need it. And it seems like no matter what I do, things come back and make me hurt again. Will there be no rest? Because honestly, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Crying some more doesn't sound like fun. I hate everything. If only I could bottle last night's happiness and keep it forever... Natalie