We Just Don't See Eye to Eye

Ordinarily, when I think about boys, I am filled with one of three emotions: appreciation, annoyance, or confusion. Before I began writing this paper, I would say that confusion dominated the other emotions by a considerable amount; now, although I would never be so arrogant as to assume that I understand the complicated workings of a boy’s brain, I believe that I am better equipped to deal with my confusion when it arises. In beginning my research for this paper, I interviewed forty teenagers – twenty boys and twenty girls – on their feelings about a number of issues, from their relationships with their parents to their views on drugs and alcohol. Unsurprisingly, the answers of the boys and girls differed by significant amounts on a number of issues. To my astonishment, however, in other areas, boys and girls tended to agree more than disagree. I suppose that in writing this paper, I have realized that girls are not as different from boys as they like to believe. Before I began writing this paper, I believed that the subject of relationships was one of the major issues that males and females disagree about. Imagine my surprise when the majority of both males and females named honesty as the top virtue that they look for in a boyfriend or girlfriend. Kindness, understanding, and a sense of humor were also top qualities named by both genders. Boys favored looks only slightly more than girls; 75% of boys and 60% of girls admitted that appearance plays a large factor in determining the initiation of a teen relationship. When I asked what they found attractive about the opposite sex, I received a number of unusual answers; one boy claimed that he found girls with "football player shoulders" attractive, while a girl declared that boys who wear nail polish make her swoon. These answers serve to prove that every type of person is attractive to someone else; although beauty standards do exist, I do not believe they are as pronounced today as they were in past generations. Perhaps it was unwise of me, in my role as semi-objective reporter, to ask boys and girls to describe the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend. Many answers that I received were so specific and fanciful that I do not believe that anyone in the world could live up to them; such is the way with perfection. Other answers, however, were more reasonable. One boy declared that the perfect girlfriend would understand his love of video games and wrestling; a girl decided that the perfect boy would be one who actually knew how to operate a telephone. Interest in music, attractive features, and the ability to understand were common traits listed by both genders. Generally, girls wished that boys would be more attentive and caring, while boys wished that girls would be more tolerant of their faults and interests. Another question that I asked was, "What about the opposite sex confuses you most?" One wise boy proposed an alternate, and in his eyes, more suitable question: "What doesn’t confuse me?" I personally believe that boys are the most confusing individuals in the world, and I was not surprised when every single girl I interviewed agreed with me. What makes them think and act the way they do? Girls as a gender cannot begin to fathom male logic; I confess that the way boys deal with problems completely baffles me. The mysteries behind male reasoning, competitiveness, and a constant need to be the best completely elude females. Males, on the other hand, cannot understand why girls cannot make up their minds about what they want: one boy declared that girls spend the same amount of time deliberating over which movie they wish to see as they would deciding on which college to attend. A majority of the boys I interviewed, 55% to be exact, admitted that they could not begin to understand the mood swings that girls seem to have consistently. I cannot say that I completely agree with that last statement – after all, in this subject I can only be semi-objective – but as it was mentioned by so many boys, it must hold some grain of truth. In that case, I personally suggest that girls learn not to take their moods out on poor, unsuspecting boys, who have no way to protect themselves as they do not understand the way that girls’ minds work. The views of boys and girls were surprisingly similar when I asked them about important issues that face teenagers today, such as alcohol, drugs, and pre-marital sex. As for the subject of alcohol, 90% of boys and 85% of girls agreed that it was fine in moderation; misuse of alcohol, such as drunk driving, was obviously not approved by anyone. Drug use was widely hailed as "disgusting" and "ignorant" – one girl described the use of drugs as "a temporary and immature way to escape from life." Over the subject of pre-marital sex, however, the genders were slightly divided. Forty-five percent of both genders decided that pre-marital sex was permissible, but were visibly separated in their reasoning. Most of the girls who believed pre-marital sex to be acceptable specified that certain conditions must be met. They stated that a couple must be truly in love with the intention of getting married. However, most of the boys who agreed that pre-marital sex was permissible had no other opinions on the issue; they were indifferent, believing that pre-marital sex will occur no matter how many people are against it. Girls and boys also had differing opinions on religion, their relationships with their parents, and their feelings about school. Girls were decidedly more spiritual than religious; 60% of girls said that they focused more closely on their own, personal relationships with God, rather than the Church’s doctrine. Although many boys held this view as well, many more boys than girls considered themselves to be religious; that is, they felt more devoted to the Catholic Church and its teachings than to more abstract forms of prayer. With regard to parental relationships, girls were more inclined to get along with their parents than boys were; however, of those that did say they get along with their parents, a majority of both boys and girls feel closer to their mother than their father. Girls, too, were more likely to say they enjoy school, whereas most boys either said they detest or feel indifferent about it. The last question I directed at the people I interviewed was regarding advice. I asked them to share any advice that they felt would help the opposite gender in understanding them better. Here, in summary, is what they had to say: Girls had lots of advice for boys, especially regarding relationships. Girls emphasized the benefits of being a good listener, and encouraged boys to be themselves. One girl said that boys need to stop worrying about how they act in front of their girlfriends; confidence, though not arrogance, is an easy way to make oneself attractive to girls. Boys, too, stressed the need for confidence. One boy also discouraged the reading of magazines like Seventeen and YM because he believes that they give girls a false impression of what boys are really like. Maybe this advice can serve in helping boys and girls to better understand where the other gender is coming from. Obviously, boys and girls seem to be worlds apart in thoughts and actions. Girls are more inclined to believe in love at first sight, while boys are more likely to choose math as their favorite subject over English. It is these differences that make girls and boys feel so different from one another. The truth is, boys and girls are not as different as they think; their brains simply arrive at conclusions differently. Face it: boys and girls will never truly see eye to eye on many issues. It is my hope, however, that they can come to a better understanding of one another instead of constantly striving to outdo each other. Natalie