Chocolate is comfort....but I hate it!

I want to write a blog but there are so many directions to go that I can't seem to find a good place to start. That seems to be the problem lately though. I can't figure myself out. I feel like I am pushing away the people that I love and care about the most, only to trade them in for those who I have previously worked so hard at pushing away. In trying to hurt the people I love, I am only hurting myself more. I find myself dwelling on past things that were beyond my control, things that I swore to forget about. The more I try to forget about these things, the more I develope bitter feelings about them, which in turn sends my emotions whirling in every direction. I can never seem to find a happy median in my moods lately. As for another thing, I find myself regreting past actions and decisions I have made towards some of my best friends, and those same friends are so willing to forgive and forget, making me feel grateful for such amazing friends, but so guilty for treating them in such undeserving ways.