Scared. Confused. That's basically it.

As un-eloquent as this sounds, I am SCARED. I don't like Mizzou. Let's face it---I REALLY don't like it. I've realized this after being home for three weeks and not missing it a single bit. I am quite content in my own room with my own bathroom surrounded by my family and friends and everyone that I love. I have no desire to go back to school. I've been struggling this past semester with what I want to major in, and I'm really scared about making the final decision. I've known (or at least, thought I'd known) what I wanted to do since seventh grade. I thought I was lucky. However, now I'm not so sure. The decision made in my 12-year-old brain came from a desire to be glamourous and rich and famous. Now, my 18-year-old brain is not quite sure that that's a solid enough foundation to base a career choice on. Being wealthy would be nice, but it definatley isn't a primary factor. And now that I've questioned that decision, I've realized I don't have to go back to Mizzou. Plenty of schools have amazing education programs. (Can't you just picture me as a high school English teacher? -and cheer coach? heehee) I didn't want to go to Mizzou in the first place--I wanted the journalism school. And now that I don't really want the journalism school, I don't have to have Mizzou. I'm not homesick--I like being on my own. I just don't like my school. However, I don't want to go to another school in another city where I won't know anyone. Also, and I know this isn't a good reason to base a decision on, but oh well--Tim is probalby coming home, and I don't want to be even farther away from him. Let me clarify--I'm NOT moving home for him. It's simply a bonus. Also, I'm scared of being a failure. I'm afraid that if I move home, I will be failing. I'm not sure what, but it would just be something I couldn't do. My family was so proud of me for moving out and being on my own and succeeding in school. If I move home, I think I'd be disappointing them. As for the decision to drop journalism, like I said before, I'm just not sure if it's want I want. When I decided on it in seventh grade, it just sort of stuck. I never really thought about doing anything else. But I've definately grown up since seventh grade. I'm not the same person anymore; I have different dreams and goals. For example, I want to be a mom and a wife and take care of my family. I want to be just as good as my mom is. However, I don't think I could fully commit to that if I'm constantly chasing a story or working on project. Also, journalism isn't as flashy and glamourous as I had thought when I was 12. Not everything is Entertainment Tonight or E! News. It's so...well, newsy. Oh, and another thing, (not that this is a full reason to move home--just another bonus) If I do come back, I could 1. possibly cheer for whatever school I chose and 2. coach at dominic! I could have my very own squad!! I would love that soo much. Ahhh so much to think about. I am going crazy. Any help/advice/tips would be much appreciated. In other news, I love you all very much, and I hope you all had a great Christmas and New Year's!!