Epiphany Without Clarity

I had...an extremely bizarre Saturday. It wasn't expected, and I don't even know what to think of it now that it's passed. It was almost like a movie how it happened. You can judge for yourself.

I was going to meet my friend Nicole on Water Street so that we could go to the Human Bodies Exhibit in South Seaport. We're nerds like that, and we were so excited; it ended up being extremely interesting, but that isn't part of this story.

I took the A train from Columbus Circle and accidentally got off at the Chambers stop, one stop too soon. Annoyed with myself, I asked the station manager to direct me towards Water Street, which she did, cheerfully enough. Instead of exiting the subway like a normal person, I decided to walk underground. It wasn't shady in the least, and I liked feeling like I knew where I was going. In that little walk, I was a complete idiot. I didn't know where I would end up.

It took me a staggering amount of time to realize where the tunnel ended. Even standing there, slowly revolving on the spot, I couldn't believe it. There were pictures, and a big wire fence; there was even a homeless man playing "Amazing Grace" on a flute, if you can believe it. I was standing in the center of the surviving structure of the World Trade Center, and I felt like a fool.

I had been avoiding it ever since I got here. My mom asked me if I wanted to go when she was in town last, and I steadfastly refused. Stumbling upon it like that made it even harder to grasp. I was crying silently as I climbed the stairs to the street level, where I could see it all even more clearly. I knew that people might have died where I stood. I knew that too many people have forgotten already, and that it's not fair.

I could have gotten over it more quickly, I believe, if it hadn't been for the banner. A few blocks away from my destination, hanging from a building as if it were waiting for me, was a long, tall white sheet, and all it said on it in thick black letters, was "Natalie." I didn't know what it meant at the time, and I don't know now; all I know is that I was supremely disturbed, and it felt like there was something I was supposed to grasp, but couldn't. Coincidence is not enough of an explanation for me.

Natalie