Eh...

This is me procrastinating. I hate my film class--especially reading for it. Who needs it? Not me. Oh well... As for me, I'm having trouble grasping this "grown-up" relationship thing. I understand people are not always in good moods. Trust me, I am as emotional as girls come, and I know I must be a royal pain in the butt to deal with at times. Maybe I'm just selfish and naive, but I don't like it when my significant other is in a bad mood. Ok, chalk that up to pure selfishness. I can't help it, but I always feel like it is my fault, and that I need to make it better. It breaks my heart to hang up the phone and know he's not happy. I know it's not ME he's upset/mad/not happy with whatever, but I feel as if I should be able to make that go away. I know he's not directing it at me, but I can tell by the tone in his voice that he's not happy or in a good mood, and I automatically assume it's something I've done, even when I know it's not, and he assures me it's not. I know life is not a basket of sunshine; I know sometimes things just don't go the way you want them to go; I know I'm not going to be able to make everything better, but I still feel like a horrible girlfriend when I can't. I just wish I could make everything better. I don't think I'm quite grasping how I really feel in this post...but I don't know how else to word it. We learned in Psychology today that the female's drive in life (or something like that) is to provide for others (Gilligan's theory or something) and maybe that's just what this is. I just know that I don't feel the same after hanging up the phone when I know he's still upset, but I guess I'm going to have to learn to live with this because I know life isn't all about me, and that sometimes you just need to leave someone alone to let them feel better. I just wish I felt better about myself when I do that because right now I feel like a failure. Ok, maybe that's a little extreme. But you get my drift. PS. Natalie, send me your address because I found your birthday present, and I need to send it to you.