I Cant Escape.

i realize its only four oclock and i usually wait till the end of the day to update, but ive gotta unload. its been an emotionally trying day. so this morning, 6:30 AM cheerleading...meh...and then school. we had crusader news this morning, which in itself was good...until we started talking about ideas for articles and such to record. well kelly adler started talking about how 'jake edinger was coming back for a visit and we should interview him'(she heard from his older sister sarah) and all of a sudden i was jerked out of my trance. i was just like "what?!" and she was saying how he was coming back and we should get an input about life after dominic etc. etc. and all i could think of was 'omg jake is coming back' lindsay was sitting next to me and we just stared at each other. so all day i was just like omgosh omgosh. its all i could think about. i had a spanish test first hour, which i had to do really good on to raise my grade from a C, but i couldnt even think straight in english, let alone in spanish. so yea. so all these things were running around in my head, and then in lit i talked to tim. he told me that he had talked to molly and that jake actually wasnt coming back till christmas. he was supposed to come back, but then cuz of the hurricane they are helping with all that stuff and so yea. and i just got really sad and i was even MORE out of it all through lit. but god its been such a weird day. it flew by, i couldnt concentrate on anything. so now all these thoughts are flying through my head. ive thought before about how what if i just imagined all this stuff, and that he really didnt feel the way i did and that it was just a big stupid fun thing that didnt mean anything. i mean, who's to say he even remembers it all? what if im just living on memories that he doesnt even think about? is that why he hasnt written me? cuz he doesnt care and it means nothing? god i just dont know. i need some sort of closure, but i dont want it to be bad... ahhh i just dont know. its all so messed up. who the hell knows. MEH. so yea, thats my day. try having that running through your head for 8 hours...its a mess up there, let me tell ya... well thats enough for now. please post comments if you have any ideas...i really could use some help... no quote...to lazy to go get my cd's to get the lyrics i want to use... -sarah-