Like A Ton of Bricks

I feel so heavy today. So unsettled. Immensely freaked out. Do you think that it's possible to keep secrets from yourself? To know something without really knowing it, and to be hit suddenly with a realization that's both painful and hard to deal with? It's a weird feeling, feeling betrayed by your own mind. It just makes me wonder about all the things that I might know or feel, without knowing that I know or feel them at this moment.

My heart kind of hurts. I guess I'll just have to see how real this realization is, and whether or not it can be trusted. If it can, it's likely to cause all sorts of problems, and it doesn't end well for almost complete sure. If it can't, then I will be really relieved, and things should return to normal.

Ahh, normal. What a very far-away word.